I R A College Graduate

and I expected to be more excited than this. I predicted the overwhelming realization that my life is chalk full of unknowns to set it, but it's not even that. It's not the fact that I don't have a job lined up or freelance projects coming in. It's not that school is done and I will hardly see the people that have become such great friends over the last two years. Mostly? I'm just flat out disappointed.

I've established that I'm not going through the graduation ceremony. It's just not my thing. For a designer, the only thing that matters is my portfolio. The fact that I was on the President's List every single term of my college career and had highest honors doesn't matter. The diploma and the degree don't even matter. In my line of work it comes down to one thing and one thing only. My book. How good am I (my sparkling personality just makes me a shoe in)? So, graduation ceremonies and such pomp and circumstance are inconsequential to me.

Today's portfolio open house was the complete opposite of that; this WAS my graduation ceremony. Today's open house was for industry people and teachers to see what we've accomplished and how we've grown, but mostly it was for everyone's family and friends to come see not only our work, but the work of the people that have helped us get through two monumentally tough years. In military speak, I have been hunkered down in the trenches with these people and they pulled me through. They pushed me to be better and do better always. They inspired me to create awesome every day. At the very least, my family could have seen if I actually DO have talent in comparison to the 30 other students in the room. Regardless of any of that, it was a day to show up, be a participant in my life, and support me. It was a day to pretend to give a shit, even if you don't.

I gave two MONTH'S notice so that people could maybe take a longer lunch or get a couple hours off and just do a quick walk through and meet a few friends and instructors that are important to me. I have given reminders and inquired as to whether or not they were going...I even did a shout out on Facebook. So how many people showed up to support me today? Zero. Nada. Zilch. Goose Egg. Not even my retired father could be bothered to pry the remote from his sweaty palm and show up. So, I met everyone else's family, friends, and significant others and fielded the questions about my absent family. Twas awesome indeed, but that's not even the most disappointing part. That honor is reserved for that simple fact that I KNEW no one would show.

It's at this point that I would like to tell you how it went and things that were said about my book and my work by everyone ELSE'S family, but alas...I feel myself slipping into a design induced coma. Later, perhaps.

Escape!

Today is Easter. For those that believe, the end of the story results in a miraculous escape. Mine is less so when it comes to miracles, but I have officially escaped to my room from my family. Holidays have become a giant pain in my ass and today is no exception. Actually, there have been far worse, but my patience is particularly thin today and my nerves are frayed. The ol' family dynamics have never been stellar and I'm at a point in my life where I am just soooo over all the bullshit.

By bullshit I mean the negativity, the arguing, the bossiness, the overbearing personalities, the way they all talk over me when I try to say something and then bitch when I've opted to just sit silent waiting for the day to be over. It's all tolerable on a normal day, but when all the storms collide on a special occasion it's just unbearable...and loud. And I'm still trying to figure out why it is that having a set of nuts precludes you from having to help clean up. So, here I am, in my room, getting a few moments of peace because apparently I WAY can't handle it today. My sister-in-law can't either. I know she dreads all this chaos as much as I do.

Per the norm, my mom is the only one excluded from this list. My mom is the only consistently mellow person in this family. My mom is a saint. She deals with us all with this unwavering patience. She is also the only one that shows the least bit of interest in my life and what I'm doing at school. Everyone else seems fresh out of give a fuck and seems almost irritated if I try to show them something I've been working on. So, now I don't.

It all made me eat a whole lot of cake. It's diet cake made with diet coke, but cake nonetheless. This weekend hasn't been all that great on the calorie burning front. I was at school on Friday from 9am until 8pm. I was supposed to be there until 9pm, but my head was going to explode and I had to get out of there and try to get home. It was a headache for the ages and I had no advil or anything with me. I almost had to pull over on the drive home. I laid on the couch and started crying it hurt so bad. I was freezing, too, and then it was gone. It left as quickly as it came. It was scary. I've been getting a lot of headaches lately because of something that's wrong with my neck, but this was different and on a whole nother level. Yesterday I didn't meet my intake to outtake deficit because I didn't move much. I was too busy doing all the homework I ignored all week trying to be the perfect diet girl. It's ok, though, because I was well over on the other days. I'm stressed. I'm cranky. I'm bloaty and fat. How many calories would I burn punching someone in my family in the neck?