Three hundred fifty four (354)

When you see something like a legal document and it is addressing numbers it often spells the numbers out and follows it with its fraternal twin sister, Numeral, in parenthesis. This is done, I assume, to ensure there is no miscommunication of just what that number is. Can't read "nine"? Here, let me dummy it down for you...(9). Better? Good. Three hundred fifty four (354) is what I weigh today according to my parent's scale. The good news is, my massive pity party that was extended over the last couple months didn't cause me to gain any weight. In fact, I lost a whopping two (2) pounds since I last weighed in. The bad news, I've only lost a whopping two (2) pounds since I last weighed in (the middle of May was it?).

So, what have I been doing? Absolutely nothing. At first I was renovating and moving into the house connected to mom and dad. I now have my own place again. Now I sit on my computer nearly all day. I skip meals and then eat a bunch of ice cream. I avoid friends and family as often as possible because I'm feeling so anti-social and because I don't want to be seen. I'm disgusted with myself. My appearance, my unemployed state, everything. I look for jobs, for which there are none, and it depresses me more and more. For the first time in my life I don't have a purpose. When I first lost my job it was ok because I already knew I was going back to school. School became my purpose. Now that school is over I have no real reason to even get out of bed.

I have never been much of a "gamer", but found one I seem to be addicted to. What's odd is that this game is nothing but being social in a virtual sense. It's like SIMS meets Skype or Yahoo. It's called SecondLife. Actually, in that game I am represented by a hot, curvy, voluptuous beauty that everyone seems to like. I can look like anything I want and be anything I want. I've made her look a lot like the real me...except my size. Most of the girls in this game are stick thin. I chose not to be. I chose to have a "real" woman's body with proportionate curves. She is fierce. She is what I wish I was.

What's strange is that as I sit here all this time watching myself depicted on screen by "Lila" and seeing this gorgeous girl that somewhat resembles me it has started to motivate me more and more. Her hair is my hair, her eyes are my eyes, her sassy ass attitude? All me. Her boobs are way too perky and she never has to wear a bra, but that is ME...as I wish I were. It's a mostly realistic version of the body I want.

So far Lila has gotten me to start playing Wii again and doing my fitness games and today I set my Bodybugg back up (haven't worn it since a few weeks after graduation). She's got me skipping less and less meals and making decent decisions, but she'll never get me to stop eating ice cream. I'm setting goals today and trying to snap out of this funk. I have no money. I have no job. I stay in my house...alone. Something's gotta give. So, what do I usually do when I feel I have no control over my life? I find something I can control and obsess over it. That thing is making myself be as fierce as this doppelganger named Lila. Hey...don't judge. You hang your motivational photos on your fridge and I'll hang Lila on mine.

Crickets. Crickets.

Yes, I am alive. I will be posting soon...I think. Trying to sort things out. Stay tuned for all the juicy details.

I R A College Graduate

and I expected to be more excited than this. I predicted the overwhelming realization that my life is chalk full of unknowns to set it, but it's not even that. It's not the fact that I don't have a job lined up or freelance projects coming in. It's not that school is done and I will hardly see the people that have become such great friends over the last two years. Mostly? I'm just flat out disappointed.

I've established that I'm not going through the graduation ceremony. It's just not my thing. For a designer, the only thing that matters is my portfolio. The fact that I was on the President's List every single term of my college career and had highest honors doesn't matter. The diploma and the degree don't even matter. In my line of work it comes down to one thing and one thing only. My book. How good am I (my sparkling personality just makes me a shoe in)? So, graduation ceremonies and such pomp and circumstance are inconsequential to me.

Today's portfolio open house was the complete opposite of that; this WAS my graduation ceremony. Today's open house was for industry people and teachers to see what we've accomplished and how we've grown, but mostly it was for everyone's family and friends to come see not only our work, but the work of the people that have helped us get through two monumentally tough years. In military speak, I have been hunkered down in the trenches with these people and they pulled me through. They pushed me to be better and do better always. They inspired me to create awesome every day. At the very least, my family could have seen if I actually DO have talent in comparison to the 30 other students in the room. Regardless of any of that, it was a day to show up, be a participant in my life, and support me. It was a day to pretend to give a shit, even if you don't.

I gave two MONTH'S notice so that people could maybe take a longer lunch or get a couple hours off and just do a quick walk through and meet a few friends and instructors that are important to me. I have given reminders and inquired as to whether or not they were going...I even did a shout out on Facebook. So how many people showed up to support me today? Zero. Nada. Zilch. Goose Egg. Not even my retired father could be bothered to pry the remote from his sweaty palm and show up. So, I met everyone else's family, friends, and significant others and fielded the questions about my absent family. Twas awesome indeed, but that's not even the most disappointing part. That honor is reserved for that simple fact that I KNEW no one would show.

It's at this point that I would like to tell you how it went and things that were said about my book and my work by everyone ELSE'S family, but alas...I feel myself slipping into a design induced coma. Later, perhaps.

Don't Worry...I'm Alive!

Just checking in. Letting you know I've not succumb to anything too serious. One note of worth...I am not going to be taking summer classes and graduation will REALLY mean I'm done. It is both exciting and scary. Exciting because no more frickin' homework! Scary because that means no student loan checks to help me get by and will really and truly need a job ASAP (or lots of freelance work to do at the office space). GAH!!! Freakin' out. I have to get through TEN MORE DAYS!

I have no idea what I weigh right now. I do suck, I know. TEN MORE DAYS!

Barely there post by yours truly

What's the tally, ho?

Weight = 356.2

Down 4.6

Total 13.8

We're back on track. Slightly behind a short term goal I set, but we'll make up for it.

Over and out!

Truancy

noun:

a student who stays away from school without leave or explanation.

It's true. I've been playing hookey. Not from my "legit" classes, although I haven't been particularly enthused about them, I've not missed even one and am doing fairly well. It's the gym. When this term started I decided to try and treat the gym and weight loss and watching what I'm eating like a class because I put everything into my education. I thought I could put that same tunnel visioned focus towards the gym and kick some serious ass.

And that's what I did, at first. Now? Now I am experiencing some difficulty. I signed up to cook Monday through Thursday so that I could have more control over what we were eating. I got so tired of my dad turning up his nose at the simplest meals (even if he inevitably liked them) or hearing about how he's had to eat chicken twice a week that I've gone on strike. I haven't cooked in a couple weeks which has been affecting how calorie counting has been going.

Last week I only went to the gym on Tuesday and this week? Haven't been yet. Part of it is trying to go to my studio space a few times a week and this week it's because the last two days I've been hanging out with a boy. Lame. I've got this tool (the Bodybugg) to help me keep it all in check and I'm not even making the most of it the last couple weeks. I've been lucky to meet my burn a couple times a week let alone every day. It ends...here.

On the days that I go to my office I need to make sure I get up earlier so that I can leave early enough to still come home and cook dinner. I need to make sure I have the meals planned by Friday so that my mom can get the groceries over the weekend and I'm good to go for the week. I need to adjust which days I go to the gym so it doesn't affect that and start using the Wii more to offset not being able to get to the gym quite as often. I can juggle all of this. I have to...people do it all the time and I am not going to use living life as an excuse to fall back into my old patterns.

The sun is shining and I have a ton of homework to get done today, but I will put the top down, drive to the gym, and get in a weigh in and a workout. You'll be hearing from me again soon.

Commercial break

alternate title: shameless plug for a blog that isn't mine so that I can enter a contest and garner forgiveness for not rigging my giveaway so that she would win.

Check this chick out and follow her...now!

Protein overdose

Mom got a new blender yesterday. Her old one has been a piece of carp since the day we got it. Smoothie making has been a rarity. Well, rarity no more. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on a few things. No real recipe in mind. It had been so long since I made one I wasn't entirely sure what was in them anymore. I've never been particularly afraid of winging it, though.

I went to the yogurt section and decided I'd go for a greek yogurt knowing they are so high in protein. I've only tried Fage before, but saw a big carton of Chobani. It's fat free and has 23 grams of protein. I procured a 100% Whey Protein powder as well figuring if a lot of protein is good for you then a shit load must be AMAZING (I will let you know if my body tells me otherwise)!

I grabbed a few bags of different frozen fruit goodness and came home to concoct what may very well be the best smoothie I've had in a while (in my opinion obviously) It's 443 calories, 54 grams of protein, and 3.5 grams of fat. My belly is happily full and with all that protein I should feel that way for a while, no? Sadly, in my eagerness, I drank it before snapping a photo. It was a light purple beauty with flecks of green. Not too thick, not too runny. Mmm Mmm Good. Try it for yourself.

Mixed Berry Protein Smoothie

1 cup Chobani Non-fat Plain Greek Yogurt

1 cup Silk Light Vanilla Soy Milk

1 cup Whole Frozen Unsweetened Mixed Berries (Blackberries, Strawberries, Raspberries & Blueberries)

1 cup Baby Spinach

1 scoop Vanilla EAS 100% Whey Protein Powder

Note: Still drinking these, but making 1/2 a batch at a time. The full batch was just a wee bit too much and there usually isn't anyone else here to drink the rest.

Pomp and Circumstance

What's the tally, ho?

Up 2.7

Total 9.2

Boooooooo

In other news...I got an email from my school that informed me that I would, in fact, be graduating with honors. That I would be allowed to wear the chords around my neck signifying my super smart status at the commencement ceremony. One must have a GPA of 3.75 or higher to attain such fashionable duds. One problem...I'm not partaking in the graduation ceremonies (much to my mother's dismay).

When you grow up my size you don't look forward to landmark events the way normal girls do. I had no desire to go to prom, the homecoming dance was more agony than fun, I never spent hours upon hours dreaming of a future wedding and I sure as hell never wanted to dawn a giant robe in front of thousands and parade across a stage. I did it in high school for my parents. I don't think they knew how much I didn't want to do it and how hard it was for me. As much as it seems to mean to my mom that I do it, at almost 34 years old, I've decided once is enough...honor chords or not.

It's not a matter of letting my weight hold me back from doing something I really want to. I'd much rather just have a party and move forward. There is no part of me that wants to do this...skinny or not. Sorry, mom, but it's just not going to happen.

I worked on moving into my studio over the weekend and worked there for a few hours yesterday before I had to do other things. It will be awkward at first I'm sure. I didn't head there until around 11 and everyone was working away. I didn't want to interrupt anyone to introduce myself and was only there for about three hours so the only two people I met were the girls in my immediate area. They will be moving out in a couple weeks. I didn't go today, but tomorrow I will make a point to meet someone new.

As for the weight gain. I know, lame. I really need to keep my sodium intake in check and there's a couple things seriously lacking from my diet...fruits and veggies. Must overhaul.

Drumroll, please...and don't forget the hi-hat.

Ladies and gentleman, we have ourselves a winner!

Congratulations, TJ. Send me your address and let me know which color you would like (cyan, magenta, yellow, or black). Thanks for playing and stay tuned for my next giveaway.

A leap of faith

I wasn't expecting any spots to open up for another month or two within the office spaces I've been courting. As you know, yesterday I got an email telling me that something opened up and to please come look at it because she secretly hoped I would be smitten and choose that location. Smitten I was.

As a morbidly obese woman I am forever concerned with perception and judgements. I try not to let it paralyze me, but at some point during every day (unless I never leave the house) I have a moment of insecurity about my weight and what someone else might think. Throughout the phone calls and emails with the two people that run these creative coops I've been told how well they think I'll fit in, how much they hope I'll love it, and made to feel like I was fabulous (and not in a sales pitch sort of way). When I went to check out these office spaces I was nervous. Nervous that once they met me and saw the 360 pound girl making an entrance all would be lost. I would no longer be the cool designer chick they liked so much. I was more nervous to meet these people, whose world I so desperately wanted to be a part of, than I was to meet the boy taking me to lunch afterwards.

If you are my size you always expect to be the biggest person in the room, but you hope that everyone else in the room is accepting. Here, at this new location, I felt accepted (that's not to say I wasn't at their other location, but it was different). Sarah was late so I was waiting just inside for her. From the second she opened the door she had the biggest smile and was giddy to have me there. She gave me a tour and towards the end I pointed to the spot I wanted and gushed, "I want that spot." She got a huge smile, her shoulders hunched up and her head cowered down and she said, simply, "Yay." Everyone that I was introduced to seemed hugely excited to have me there. It felt like home. I wrote her a check. I can move in Saturday. And so it begins.

It's a right of passage for me. It's a leap of faith. It's believing that I can do anything I put my mind to and it's taking the necessary steps to live the life I've always wanted. My weight has kept me from doing things like this in the past. I've been content to live a life steeped in the belief that I wasn't good enough. That I would fail and it would be somehow ok because, at my size, it's just expected. Well, I am not defined by my weight. I don't fit the stereotype that people lump me into. I am destined for great things because I will bust my ass to get them and always remember the girl that thought she never could.

So, I challenge you to take your own leap of faith. To find something you thought you could never do and prove yourself wrong. Start changing your life one day at a time.

Best. Workout. Ever.

I had a bit of a pep in my step at the gym today. I checked in and ran up the stairs to the cardio level. I went into the women's only section like a woman on a mission. On tap? Resistance training. I went through a few machines, mixing arms and legs, and worked in a little bit of free weights as well. I stood on the BOSU ball and got my balance. I started doing squats. Then, I would stop, mid squat, and hold it. And hold it. And hold it. Legs trembling. Then back up for more of the same.

Then I went to the treadmill and tried to beat my 23 minute mile. Yes, that's right...it usually takes me about 23 minutes to walk one mile. I can't ever walk too fast because my shin splints will kick in. I was pumping my arms and walking with intention. Listening to The Script and puttin' right along. Today? I did my mile in 21:10. Shin splints were screaming by about 18, but I pushed through it. Then I had to stand there for a bit to let them relax before I could step off and go to a bike. I finished the workout with some time on the recumbent bike. I left there sweaty and empowered.

Monday (and into Tuesday) I was all up in some woes me. Pathetic really. I've been doing really well. I can't really say I've been perfect, particularly where drinking water is concerned, but pretty spot on all in all. I have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to repent for or apologize for. I've been working out 3 or 4 times a week and yet I felt like I wasn't doing enough. Still felt like a failure. What's THAT about? Anyway, I decided last night that I needed to just STFU and move forward. And so I did.

Tomorrow I am going to check out the other location of the creative coop that I checked out a couple weeks ago. This one is in a super cool building that has art panels as a sort of shutter. There's a cool restaurant on the 4th floor, too. The coop is on the 3rd floor so, that means stairs. I like the neighborhood better that the other location is in, but this building is pretty cool. I'll see tomorrow. They have a few spots opening up on May 1st! If the people are great and the space is great I just might go for it. There is no telling when a spot is going to open at the other location.

I'm also going to a book bindery to see what they can do for me when it comes to a custom portfolio. After that, I may or may not have a date.

Bobble Head

I got my order of bobbles today. My drawing is still going on for those that want a chance to win a bottle that filters water for your enjoyment. See this post for details. For something so small in stature it's hard to believe what it does for the earth. It's a hard plastic material so the bottle will last and the filter is good for two months before you need a new one. All told, it prevents 300 water bottles from hitting your local landfill. And it's pink! (or blue, or black, or yellow, etc).

Sorry I've been AWOL over the last week, but a. I've not had a lot to say, b. homework up the wazoo, and c. I'm kinda feeling like my blog is just going through the motions despite all the work I've put into it. Does anyone care? Does anyone even still read? I used to put a LOT of thought and effort into my writing trying to be so witty and comical. Now? Not so much. Now I just write, whatever comes to mind, with very little creative chutzpa. Note to self: Must work on this.

For those that are looking for a weigh in? Not happnin'. I didn't go to the gym today. I got my exercise renovating The Love Shack. I don't know why I call it this, other than it's better than saying "The addition to my parent's house that doubles as an apartment for many family members." See? Now you understand the nickname. My cousin and her husband had lived there for about 5 years and moved out in December. Every once in a while I go over and start tackling all the things that need to be done to fix it up. The list is long and I don't have time. Dad sure as hell isn't going to pull himself away from training for the Lay-Z-Boy Olympics and mom works all day so...that leaves me. Needless to say, it's slow going.

I also didn't go to the gym because I had no intention of weighing in anyway. I am retaining water. I don't feel like I've lost anything. I didn't want to see proof of that on the scale. Worse, I didn't want to see a gain. Had a really bad self-esteem day yesterday and spent today trying to snap out of it. Seeing a gain on the scale is not the most effective way to do that.

I have been eating some pretty snazzy things, though.

My standard Kashi Warm Cinnamon cereal with Silk Light Vanilla Soy milk.

I made a, dare I say it, kick ass stir fry one night.

Salmon Patties, Fat Free Cottage Cheese, Asparagus, and Long Grain Wild Rice.

Now this little number deserves an explanation. I have started putting this Yoplait Chocolate Mousse Whips in the freezer for a couple hours and topping it with Fat Free Cool Whip and having this for dessert at night instead of ice cream. It's pretty darn yummy.

Last night I marinated chicken in Lawry's Oriental Sesame Marinade (I think that was the name). Yummy. So this morning I cut some up and did a little Egg Beaters scramble with the chicken and a little sharp cheddar on top. Had a glass of Silk and a high fiber english muffin with a little Barney Butter.

Today's lunch was some hummus, a whole wheat pita, and a sugar free pudding with fat free cool whip.

My afternoon snack was another bit of yogurt goodness. Yoplait Thick and Creamy Key Lime Pie with a 1/4 cup of Bear Naked Vanilla Almond Crunch Fit Granola. Super good.

I made fajitas for dinner, but no photo. My bad. Mom got three or four more pints of Ben & Jerry's, too...I make no promises. They are new flavors and they deserve my attention.

Earth Day Giveaway!

Last year, Americans sent 38 Billion bottles to landfills across the nation. By switching to reusable water bottles you can keep an estimated 300 single-use bottles from reaching those landfills. It's time to Bobble your water and I'm going to help a few lucky people do just that.

Remember that water bottle I was swooning over this summer? With the built in water filter? The Water Bobble? I've got a few coming my way and I want you to have one, too (and possibly you...and you). So, I'm choosing Earth Day to ring in my first giveaway (and if saving the earth isn't a good enough reason, you can save $1,000 a year by switching to a reusable water bottle if you currently buy bottled water).

So how do you get your hands on one of these little gems? Well, I'll tell ya...

1. Leave a comment on this post telling me another step you're going to take this year to reduce your carbon footprint.

2. Show me that you blogged about my giveaway.

3. Show me that you tweeted, chirped and otherwise pimped my giveaway on Twitter.

4. For every new follower that does No. 1 and tells me that they found me from your blog, tweet, or email...you get another entry.

Just make sure that all this craziness is documented in the comments of this post and you have lots of ways to enter to win (yes, this means multiple entries if you do all of these).

I will randomly choose the winners Saturday, May 1st, at 3:00 pm Pacific. Contest open to US and Canadian residents. You will be required to give me your address if you win because shipping will be done by me. These are gifts from me, not from the Water Bobble company.

Now, go plant a tree or something, but do NOT buy anymore bottled water!

Beached

What's the tally, ho?

Weight = 358.1 (sorry, no pic. Left phone in car)

Down 3.1

Total 11.9

Managed a miracle considering I was at the beach all weekend.

Things have been a little crazy since I last posted. Wednesday got away from me after dealing with unemployment, doing homework, having my phone call with a Bodybugg coach, running to school to pick up some funds, and so on. Never made it to the gym.

Thursday was a designated day off so that I could run errands (like Whole Foods Market and Trader Joe's) and go check out the potential office space. I am in love with it and hoping a spot opens soon. They think I'll fit in well there and it sounds like it's all mine if I want it. Yes, please. It will be so awesome to run my business from a legit place and then be able to shut it all off and go home and relax (most of the time). New chapters, new life, new everything.

Friday I had class and then headed to the beach until Sunday. I had no internet save for what I could get with my Blackberry. It was so nice. I could sit on the couch at the beach house and see the ocean through the sliding glass doors. The weather was great and the door was open most of the time and I could listen to the waves crashing on the shore. I'm blessed to live in a place as beautiful as Oregon. We played a lot of games and watched movies. Consequently, I didn't get any homework done and yesterday was chaos as I tried to dial it all in before a midnight deadline. Whew!

I was pretty shocked at weigh in after all I ate over the weekend and the fact that I didn't count one calorie for three days. I decided not to worry about it while gone since I wouldn't be able to access all my info on the Bodybugg site with no internet. I was ok with it, but it made getting back into the swing of things a little more difficult. I really really have to watch what I eat and do this week because all these great weight losses are going to result in something not so pretty next week. I will have to drink tons of water and hope for the best. Scratch that, I will have to work my butt off (literally).

Spice route gone wrong

What's the tally, ho?

Down 6.0

Total 8.8

Am fierce

On the way home from the gym I picked up some birthday pressies for my mama. I got her some things to plant in the veggie garden and a super pretty Columbine. I brought a bunch into the house and my Dad's childhood friend, Wes, was here visiting. I said Hi and went to get the rest of the goodies. As I came back into the living room Wes said it looked like I had lost weight. He said he waited until I walked back out and asked Dad before saying anything just in case I hadn't. Dad told him I'd been working on it so he was in the clear to comment. Thanks, Wes!

Wes is very sick. He's on Oxygen and is rockin' a tracheotomy. He uses a walker and when he got up to go use the bathroom he got so dizzy that we had to try and get him back in the chair before he ended up on the floor. This is my Dad's best friend. They grew up in Florida together and came to Oregon together. It pains my dad to see him this way. As he was working his way out the door to head home he stopped and told me to keep it up...that I'm looking good. Who knew 8.8 pounds was so noticeable. It must be the navy blue shirt and black pants. Slimming.

After Wes left Dad was going on and on about how sick Wes is and that he doesn't figure he has another year to live. I said, "I'm going to say something and you can get as pissy as you want, but...I would appreciate it if you would do something to prolong you being in Wes' shoes for as long as possible because that's where we all predict you'll end up before long." He said he wouldn't end up like Wes, he'd just drop dead. Alrighty then. Good talk, Dad. Good talk.

And so it goes...

Lil Hummus, pita, pudding, and tea for lunch and Peanut Butter Cookie LARABAR for snack. Then came time to start cooking dinner. On tap? I decided to try a lil something from the Indian Spice Route.

It involved fancy things like turmeric, ginger, coriander, cardamom, and the like. I believe it's the most exotic I've ever been.

Well, me and exotic are no longer friends. Chicken Curry was a complete failure. This...

was dinner. Why, yes, that IS country potato bread, but it's a hell of a lot better than the Burger King that Mom and Dad are bellied up to right now. SFD (Translation = ShitFuckDamn, the swear word trifecta)!!

All in all, though, I'll still chalk to today up as a win. Although, I've gotten absolutely no homework done because curry disasters take hours. Might not be blogging it out tomorrow, but I'll definitely let you know how the walk through on the office space goes.

It's not delivery OR DiGiorno

I had a pretty decent workout at the gym today, but not very long. I had a lot to do and needed to make it quick. I snagged a McDonald's Southwest Salad with Grilled Chicken on the way home. Love this salad.

I got adventurous in the kitchen again and made pizza for dinner tonight. I make calzones for Mom and Dad quite often, but I just use some sort of instant pizza dough like Pillsbury or something. Today I made the dough from scratch. I also made the sauce from scratch. I put turkey pepperoni, canadian bacon, mushrooms, olives and some cheese (a little bit of sharp and some reduced fat four cheese italian blend). That crust was super tasty. I'm not going to say it was the most healthy dinner, but it was better than what I would have gotten somewhere else. I'm going to try a whole wheat crust one of these times.

I have a crazy week ahead. I have to get a LOT (and by a lot I mean a shit load) of homework dialed in before I go to the beach for the weekend, hit the gym on Tuesday and Wednesday, have some phone coaching thing with a Bodybugg coach on Wednesday, coffee with a friend Thursday to do homework together and then...

On Thursday I am meeting with someone that runs a creative services coop. Meaning, 10 people share the space and run their own businesses out of it. We each have a "pod" (aka cubicle of sorts) and do our own things, but we share the basics. The huge layout table, the conference room, the kitchen, the copier, etc.

We'd also share opinions, feedback, some laughs and some coffee. It's having my own business while still getting to socialize with like minded individuals. Bliss. I am still going to be looking for a full time job so I get some of that real world experience, but Pixel Dust will have a home. There are two locations in Portland and they have a space opening at the location pictured above. I'd have 24/7 access to the building so even if I got a "job" I could do my own thing on evenings and weekends. Ideally, though, business will be booming soon enough and I can focus all my attention on making my design studio a success. Giddy. Graduation is looming and big things are on the horizon.

Easy like Sunday morning

My mom has these tea cups. This is one from the set of four. They've always been there, on this rack that hangs on the kitchen wall that has pegs to hang coffee cups. They sit on the shelf it has above the pegs. No one ever uses them. I've always thought they were the ugliest things. Suddenly in the last month they have become the sweetest little tea cups in existence. Each cup has a different image of bright little flowers and are quite happy making. How things change as we get older and appreciate a simpler time. Today I made a cup of green tea and put a skosh of Silk Light Vanilla Soy Milk in it. Delish. It almost made a day of homework bearable.

With my tea I had Kashi Heart to Heart Warm Cinnamon with more Silk. I can't seem to find this cereal in my town so I occasionally snag a couple boxes whenever I get to Whole Foods. I also snagged a bunch of LARABARS while I was there. I still had never tried them and hear so much talk about them.

This one was Key Lime Pie. Not one I'll get again and I'm hoping the others are better. I got quite a few different kinds. Maybe my first LARA experience shouldn't have been so exotic. Peanut Butter Cookie sounds about right. Will give that a shot tomorrow.

For lunch I cooked up two Black Bean Chipotle Gardenburgers and made an open-faced sandwich. It seems like so much more food when you do it that way. I used my homemade hummus instead of mayo and slapped a little lettuce on there. I love love love these gardenburgers. Yet another thing I can't find in my town and have to get at Whole Foods (have I mentioned how eager I am to move back to Portland)?

I might have had another Jell-O Mousse Temptations, too, but don't try and guilt me. They are only 60 calories and that is fat free Cool Whip my friends.

Oh...and according to Steaz, I am balanced. Though I am successfully sitting on a stability ball with utmost balance, I don't FEEL very balanced. Thanks anyway, Steaz.

I'm considering doing a little challenge or giveaway or combo. For the last few summers I have donned the hat of Sergeant Shrinkabootie and coordinated a weight loss boot camp with people that expressed interest through weightwatchers.com. It was a LOT of work and I don't have the time for it as it was previously defined. I was thinking, though, that I could take some of the weekly challenges that I used to come up with and pose them to you all. I'll keep track of who wins week to week and winner gets a prize...from me (which is more than anyone got from me during previous boot camps). Lose weight AND get a prize? That's win win right there. Any interest?

Black and Blue

Not me, silly. My dinner. I made Black and Blue Bacon Burgers.

Black = black angus ground beef (I just use any ol' lean ground beef)

Blue = blue cheese

Bacon = real bacon bits

I take a portion of ground beef that I'd normally make a pattie out of and divide it in half, making two thin patties. I put about a tablespoon of crumbled blue cheese and a tablespoon of real bacon bits (beats cooking bacon) in the center of one of the thin patties and spread it out a little bit. I put the second pattie over that and pinch the edges to keep the goodness inside. I shape it back into a better looking burger and cook it up. Voila. Black and Blue Bacon Burger. I used a sandwich thin and the rest of the condiments are pretty much up to you.

And earlier today, I did a little more math.

All this...

divided by this...

plus this...

equals this.

I made hummus. Like, from scratch. Mom got Dad a Cuisinart for Christmas and he had never taken it out of the box (it's hard to find time to cook when you're training for the Lay-z-boy Olympics, donchaknow). I decided to take matters into my own hands and deboxed that bitch. I found a recipe, tweaked it a bit, and it's pretty dang good. Still needs a little work. When I get it dialed in I'll toss the recipe at you.

And guess who has so many calories left that she gets Ben & Jerry's tonight? This girl. Homework calls.

Make it Sparkle.

After my twelve hour day on campus yesterday, and heading home at 9pm, I stopped at Whole Foods Market because I needed to get some Tahini to try my hand at homemade hummus. I love that place, have I mentioned that? I believe I have. I feel ever so slightly lighter on my feet just walking in there. It almost makes the higher prices worth it for this girl. It's the little things. I got all sorts of new goodies that I've been wanting to try, but haven't ever braved. This renewed sense of weight loss empowerment has me wanting to be more adventurous and try all sorts of new things. Know what that means? Reviews.

I contacted a couple companies for samples just for S&G's and so far I'm waiting for my delivery from the ever so kind Vitalicious crew. I'm an unemployed student for cryin' out loud. Trying all sorts of new things is a risky endeavor when you're reserving all of your money for your graphic design habit. Needless to say, I was super excited when they eagerly replied to my email. Love them already.

Where was I? Oh, yes, Whole Foods. As I was walking through looking for things I've wanted to try I was enamored by all the packaging. I know there are some artsy chicks that read my babble, but I don't know if anyone has an appreciation for the Graphic Arts. It is my crack. What was a minor crush pre design education has become a full on love affair (which is good since it consumes 99.9% of my time). Part of my habit includes packaging. When you are a design(erd) you see things in an entirely different way. For instance, you pass a billboard and say "Oh, look. Air Supply is going to be at the casino" (who knew). I pass the same billboard and say something like "Did they REALLY just use Papyrus?" or "For the love of God! You could drive a bus through the space between that A and that I. Kern that SOB!" Road trips for you involve games of Eye Spy and the Alphabet game. For me? It's one big mass opportunity for logo critiques. I am the queen of offtrackedness today, no?

I came upon Steaz Zero Calorie Sparkling Green Tea. I felt flushed. The packaging appealed to my inner minimalist. White and clean with a lovely patterned flower. I wanted it. I wanted it bad. One problem. I hate sparkling water. There, I said it. I do, however, love green tea. So, there I stood, at a crossroads.

You might be able to resist it, but I? Cannot. Lovely packaging coupled with promises of zero calorie goodness is more than this girl can handle. Sustainably sourced, fair trade organic green tea? Sweetened with the leaves from the stevia plant? What choice did I have?

I just took one out of the fridge and am ready for the steaz experience. I'm sure many of you have already partaken, but I have been locked in classrooms and out of the loop. This will happen often as you read my reviews. I'm behind the times. I popped the top on the little gem and Shut The Front Door. Steaz comes with a side of wisdom on every cap. Today, apparently, "I am energy" (or so the cap says). Giggle. I felt a little spunkier just having been told so.

I took a sip. Hmmm. Another sip. Definitely better than sparkling water. Sip. Not quite like green tea. Sip. It's pretty. Sip. I suppose I can drink this. In a nutshell. I'm not swooning over the contents near as much as I was the outer pretty. I think it will be a nice switch when I'm tired of drinking plain water. I think that those that are fans of sparkling water would love it. I also think that the more sips I take the better it is. It might just be one of those better at the bottom things meaning...some things just grow on you after a while.

One more thing...even though I got home late, I sat down at my usual spot (notice the balance ball that I use as a chair) to work on homework and once mom and dad went to bed I watched my DVR'd Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. So sad. Made me tear up. This show provides inspiration beyond what Biggest Loser ever manages to. He went to a mortuary and you saw ginormous caskets built for the obese. You heard about how they have to explain to the families that their loved one won't fit in a regular casket, that the large caskets won't fit in their hearse and that they will have to buy two burial plots at the graveyard. And just when you think that doesn't apply to you because you're one for cremation you find out that's not so much the case. You see, when morbidly obese people are cremated they go up like roman candles because of all the fat in their bodies and there isn't really anything left in the way of ashes. It was profound. It was creepy. It was an awakening. I heart you Jamie Oliver. Truly, madly and maybe even deeply.