Sunday, August 5, 2007

Tiny made me his bitch

I'm awe struck. I'm almost scared to type the next sentence for fear it will jinx me, but it must be said. My relationship to food has changed (knocking on wood, or is it Formica dressed up like wood?). For the last few weeks I have had the stress level of a homophobic man in prison and this weekend, well, let's just say Tiny made me his bitch. My stomach was in knots most of the weekend and by Saturday evening I was about to lose it. Lola could tell things weren't kosher and when I came into the room she was just sitting on the couch shaking. I sat next to her, scored a snuggle, and cried.

The reasons for my stress aren't important to this entry. What is important is that I didn't binge. I didn't turn to food for comfort. Normally, Taco Bell and I would have spent all weekend together having a freakishly unhealthy affair and I probably would have had another threesome with Ben & Jerry. I did not deviate from the plan, people. The most I did was go to McDonald's and have a small vanilla cone (one on Friday and one on Saturday), but they are only 3 of my WW points and I had the budget for them. This isn't just huge, it's ginormous.

I don't know what brought about this change in me, but bravo to whatever it was. Even in the past, in the beginning of this journal when I was doing well, I wasn't this in control. I still had unplanned binges brought about by stress or emotions. I still struggled often to keep things in check. It's like I now have my very own Jason Bourne whispering in my ear saying "Stay to the left. Ok, there's a Taco Bell 20 meters ahead on the right, take a left here. OK, duck through this door, now wait. The ice cream truck is passing. Wait. Wait." and when I suggest that I know what I'm doing and want to make a break for it he puts me in check by screaming "STOP!!! It's not safe! That burrito will go straight to your ass!" (you HAVE to see Bourne'll know what I'm talking about) I really hope this is a lasting change and not just a fluke. I hope that my very own Jason Bourne keeps me on the straight and narrow, although, it would be nice if he occasionally pointed out how hot I look too.

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