Monday, August 31, 2009

Weighing in

Not in a getting on the scale sort of way, that would be just silly. No, I am finally weighing in on More To Love (aka Fatchelor). Let's first address the big stud Luke. Dude, I know you're like a kid in a candy store, but stop making out with EVERYONE! Some of those chicks will boil your bunny in a heartbeat and that's just giving them flames for the fire. Speaking of bunny boilers, the three people that annoyed me the most are now gone and two of them had fatal attraction down to a tee.

Lauren. Backstab much? Catty effin bitch. Good Jesus. She'd kick puppies to get that ass. Kristian. Not so much a bunny boiler as an "I'll slit my wrists to get your attention" kind of girl. That girl moves faster than Michael Vick picking up soap in the shower. There's this thing called "mystery" that's kind of attractive when dating. Look into it. Melissa (Mel B). Oooooh sweetheart. Dear God I hope this has given you an ounce of self-esteem. Nuff said.

So, now there are, what, four girls left? I don't know them. He's weeded out the drama queens and left me with 4 girls I have no opinion of, except maybe Malissa. She's kinda full of herself sometimes. Jury is still out.

I'm tired. It's been a very trying week of introspection and realization. Will possibly broach those subjects tomorrow. Must. Sleep. Now.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Because I'm fat

Because I'm fat I'm expected to fail.
Because I'm fat people think I'm lazy.
Because I'm fat most men have treated me like shit.
Because I'm fat I'm expected to have terrible self-esteem.
Because I'm fat it is sometimes hard for me to take a compliment.
Because I'm fat I don't travel.
Because I'm fat I can't wear the clothes I want to.
Because I'm fat I get out of breath easily.
Because I'm fat summer sucks.
Because I'm fat guys don't typically approach me when I'm out.
Because I'm fat I don't go swimming. I like to swim.
Because I'm fat exercise is just fucking hard.
Because I'm fat everything is just fucking hard.
Because I'm fat I haven't gotten as many tattoos as I would like.
Because I'm fat it is sometimes hard for me to believe in myself.
Because I'm fat I can't eat anything without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.
Because I'm fat I get jealous of things that skinny girls can do that I just can't.
Because I'm fat I have diabetes.
Because I'm fat I don't like crowds.
Because I'm fat I hate to shop.
Because I'm fat it is hard for me to let people get close to me.
Because I'm fat I haven't lived my life the way I'd have liked.
Because I'm fat I've never been in love.
Because I'm fat I don't believe that I've ever truly been loved.
Because I'm fat I'm often invisible.
Because I'm fat I'm a disappointment to my father.
Because I'm fat I am scared.
Because I'm fat...

Because I'm fat I try not to judge people.
Because I'm fat I know what pain is and try not to inflict it on others.
Because I'm fat I have learned how to be independent and fend for myself.
Because I'm fat I've never been a bridesmaid.
Because I'm fat I haven't spent my life hungry.
Because I'm fat I've never had to worry about being bikini ready.
Because I'm fat I've developed a quick wit and a sharp tongue.
Because I'm fat I'm used to rejection and criticism which makes graphic design easier.
Because I'm fat I am sensitive to others.
Because I'm fat I have a thick skin.
Because I'm fat I am instantly sexy just by being confident in myself.
Because I'm fat I am a great friend.
Because I'm fat, when I do find love, I know it will be based on who I am not what I look like.
Because I'm fat I have curves that a real woman should have.
Because I'm fat I'm an amazing and caring woman.
Because I'm fat I am strong.
Because I'm fat I am fierce.
Because I'm fat...

Friday, August 28, 2009

Twitter: Making it easier for stalkers since 2006

I jumped on the MySpace bandwagon after years of a pretty solid boycott when people kept telling me to go to their MySpace page to see pics of them. Well, you can't SEE all their pics without having a page of your own. Well played, Tom, well played. Still hate you and your space.

Facebook? Held off on that until the daily nagging of a classmate did me in last winter. Thanks to my blackberry and the ease of updating my status and my occasional nosey nature, I'm on that stupid shit nearly every day. People I didn't even talk to in high school have "friended" me, never really saying a word, only to add just one more person to their list of friends. Here's hoping you break 50 by the new year. All in all, I like it. It has been nice catching up with people I actually WAS friends with in high school and keeping an eye on those that I love dearly, but never get to see. Most people update their status weekly, daily, occasionally throughout their day. I put up a random thought or activity here and there depending on my day.

Which brings me to Twitter. Really? I've never been good at this. I signed up around the time of Facebook and think I've "tweeted" all of nine times. Twitter is nothing more than the status updates that Facebook has. That is it's sole purpose in cyberspace. It is for people who are only 140 characters worth of witty. We all know I often need a minimum of 1,560 characters to fully address my snarky ways. I am being judged because I don't pay enough attention to Twitter now. Apparently, people want to know what I'm doing minute to minute. I really am not that exciting. I am going to be one of those people that tweets about going to the bathroom. Anyway, to help my neglected tweets I have downloaded a widget on the dashboard of my mac that will make it easier and I have added my tweets over yonder in the sidebar. Now you can stalk me like I like. I will try to post often with what I'm eating so you all can give me a long distance punch in the neck when it's bad. I can't wait.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Chaos Theory

I've been told that I should join the rotund masses and head to Cleveland (of all places) in January. This is when a bunch of us weight loss bloggers are congregating to meet each other. I've been told it's mandatory; to not even try to say no. To which I countered with the fact that I don't think my ass will be plane seat ready by January.

I do think it would be insanely fun to meet those that hunker down in the same trenches I do, but I'm not so sure this is something I can pull off with my unemployed ass. I will likely stay in Oregon to try and keep the weight distribution even. If I, too, went to Cleveland it might cause the earth to shift on its axis thus throwing off its gravitational pull. Kind of like the Butterfly Effect. If all of the venti-sized bloggers of the world were in Cleveland at the same time can you be certain that a tsunami wouldn't wipe out some poor village in Thailand? I don't know about you, but that's guilt I can't live with. It might cause me to binge.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

We hold these truths to be self-evident

I don't blog well when I'm going to school. I don't eat well when I'm going to school. I don't exercise well when I'm going to school. This much I know is true. I also know that when I am not doing well at weight loss I have no inspiration to write about weight loss. You end up with pointless drivel about school girl crushes on boys that can't catch a clue. The only real success of the last couple months is that I am completely and utterly over aforementioned crush. As of a few days ago he's still suggesting that we hang out again, but if we do, it will remain just as platonic as the first time we went out. There has been a lot of dating, though. And by a lot I mean that I probably met about a dozen guys in the span of a month or two. None of it went especially well. None that is, but one. One that I met about a month and a half ago and who I now see almost every day.

I just finished the summer term of school and have about 5 weeks to bask in lackadaisical bliss. To hang out with a boy and make some bad decisions. To go on road trips and maybe even get real crazy and rent a hotel room. To make having fun and enjoying myself my only real responsibility. Thanks to Lynn at the unemployment office, that just got a little more feasible.

I'd been growing more and more tense the last couple weeks knowing that my latest round of unemployment benefits was coming to an end. This week it did. I had to wait until the balance officially showed zero and then call. I waited on hold for what seemed like ever and then Lynn answered. We went through the formalities and she told me that I still had 10 weeks of an extension left on my last claim that we could first exhaust and when that was up we would figure out the next course of action. I said, "I know this is wishful thinking, but will the amount be the same as the old claim or the amount of this new claim." expecting for her to laugh me right off the phone with my delusional ways. No, No, she quickly became my new best friend as she told me that the amount of money that I'll be getting for the next ten weeks will be the amount I was getting on my last claim. You see, round about spring break when I had to file a new claim, they dropped my benefits by about $700 a month and it's been agony trying to get by on that. I may or may not have threatened girl on girl action at that point as I now loved her so very very much.

On the diet front. I have no idea. I haven't been on a scale in weeks. I've been skipping a lot of meals. Like, eating once a day kind of skipping a lot of meals. Other days I'm eating a bunch of fast food and various other gluttonous behavior. My metabolism is probably waiving a white flag and my diabetes? Well, we'll just not talk about that. It seems as though I still haven't found a successful way to balance the insanity of school with the agony of weight loss. Must. Find. Way. Anyone have any suggestions?