Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Thank you, Lord

My first session with Trainer Guy Todd was a chat. I did a 10 minute warm up but the rest of the time we exerted no energy. My foot thanks him (It hasn't gotten better, probably because I've still been going every day). He did my measurements and I blew into this odd little contraption for 10 minutes and it miraculously figured the calories I should eat in a day. Then we talked about the components of my new little lifestyle. There are 5 as a matter of fact.

Nutrition: In a nutshell, I'm to graze like cattle. Lots of itty bitty meals throughout the day (not to exceed the aforementioned gadget produced calorie tally). I am to write down every single solitary crumb to pass my lips which will then be critiqued by Trainer Guy Todd.

Exercise: Cardio and Resistance. Cardio at least 6 times a week for 30-40 minutes and every other day I'm to toss in some resistance training with it. Apparently one of these days he'll be showing me what I'm supposed to do. He told me he could have me passing out in 10 minutes but he wasn't going to push me that hard. I said I'd appreciate it because I didn't want to pass out in front of so many people. Hmmmm, scratch that, don't wanna pass out alone or otherwise. Then he told me that I could do treadmill for 3 weeks but then I have to switch to something else. Either the bike or the elliptical machine. I briefly mentioned my fear of the elliptical machine. I get the impression he didn't care and I must face my fear. Great.

Supplements: Hmmm, something about caffeine pills and ephedra. Not sure. I'm supposed to take some, that much I know. Gives you more energy, obviously, yeah, it's a blur. Oh and those freaking over the ephedra. Apparently ephedra is fine if following the daily allowance guidelines, which no one does...yes, I asked.

Water: 64+ ounces

Sleep: Lots of it. Now THAT I can do.

So, when I get back from the camping trip on Monday I'm meeting with him again. I don't think I'll be getting off this easy though. I just hope my foot is better cuz I can't go in there looking like a sissy before we've even done anything. For those that were hoping for my dissertation on why all trainers should be savagely beaten...stay tuned. I'm sure it's coming on Monday.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Insert Rocky music here

I will try my best to type the following blog entry but I have gone to the gym every day this week (but Friday) and even my fingernails hurt. I've discovered muscles I didn't know existed simply because when I move they scream "Freeze you IDIOT." to which I eagerly comply. Today it even seems as though the heel of my foot is bruised but I went to the gym anyway. I went and I worked out longer than ever. I did an hour on the treadmill and started my resistance training when it was time to have my meeting with a trainer.

Monday when I went to the gym I spoke to Trainer Guy Todd. I told him I couldn't sign up that day because I had no money but that I would have a better idea after my spa party Friday night. So, he made me schedule an appointment with him for today. I say he made me because he was doubting that I would come back as he compared me to "others" that have come in asking questions. Well, I'll have none of that. I'm committed damn it, again. You'll not make me look like a slacker before I've even broken a sweat by God.

I had my doubts when I left there that day. My first impression of Trainer Guy Todd was not good. I got the impression that he thought he was better than me and that I was wasting his time because I couldn't hang with the likes of him. I strongly felt that he thought I'd cancel the appointment and be one of those "fat girls" that has a moment of inspiration but never follows through. I think he thought I was lazy.

Well, I came back Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday. I watched him strut around the gym and as if I were a wild animal he never made direct eye contact with me as though if he did I might leap off the treadmill and beat him about the head and face (not that I've ever leaped a day in my life but you get the point). I was growing more and more anxious as the days went by. When I was there Thursday I was doin my thang on the treadmill when he got there. An hour later I was leaving and he said "Leaving already?" First words spoken to me since Monday and he's already riding my ass...I hadn't even paid him yet. I said "Already? I was here before you were hon." With no response from the peanut gallery other than him hanging his head I smiled and walked out (almost cabbage patching all the way to my car) proud of myself for not letting the muscle head get the best of the fat girl.

I couldn't go Friday because of work and the spa party and after the spa party I checked my messages and had one from him. It was reminding me of my appointment and telling me to call if I couldn't make it. It was quick and short and reeking of "She's never gonna show." but I went today at 12:30 and got on that treadmill (in excrutiating pain) and I worked it out for an HOUR. He went by a good 10 times as the treadmill I was on was in front of his office. Again, no acknowledgment. Not a head nod, not a wink, not a snicker at my inability to out do the other people in the room. I was beginning to think he didn't even recognize me from Monday. Boy, could I possibly be looking any more forward to this meeting?

I moved on to some resistance training and then it was time. I walked towards his office and he walked out of it with his last client. He DID recognize me because as I got closer he said my name and commented on how long I had been on the treadmill. I quickly pointed out that not only had I been on there an hour but I was on there for an hour with what felt like a bruised heel. Yeah, I'm no sissy. I'm no quitter (yet). We went into his office and he had me fill out paperwork. He didn't seem so very arrogant anymore. He seemed more "Wow. She showed." He asked questions about my current hobbies and activities (or lack there of), about my jobs, my medical history, aches and pains. He even asked about my parent's weight. I told him that they were skinny at one point. He said that'd make my goal easier. That if they had always been big my weight issues would be more genetic and it's a tougher nut to crack. I told him I was born 10 lbs 5 oz. and it went from there. He asked me about my goal weight and when I wanted to reach it. I told him I didn't have a time frame. He asked if the number was what I wanted or if I wanted a specific size or to look like someone famous. He wanted to get a good idea of my goal. I explained that I have NEVER BEEN THIN and that the thought of looking any other way than I do is unfathomable to me.

Then he weighed me (fun) and figured my body fat % (scary) and told me we were going to cut that in half. You go boy with your big aspirations. We cracked jokes, we laughed, we were smart I gave him all my money and he'll be taking more over the next 3 months. I'm paying someone to make me feel in such a way that I'll be wishing I was dead. Yay. We made an appointment for Wednesday and before I left he said he figured he'd see me sometime before then and I said, "Oh, I'll be here tomorrow." and left hearing the theme from Rocky playing in my head.

What in the hell has gotten into me? I've turned into a mad woman. I don't think in all my days that I've ever worked out this many days in one week. When I go tomorrow that will be 6 out of 7 days. Yeah, definitely a record. I've got 23 sessions with Trainer Guy Todd that says I'm going to keep it up too. Well, unless of course he kills me, in which case, I bequeath the rest of my training sessions and Lola to my sister. I'll report back Wednesday provided I can move.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

When is enough REALLY enough?

As little as one hour ago I sat here completely proud of myself. I went to the gym yesterday and not only worked out but spoke with a trainer to find out just how much money I'm going to have to come up with to start working with him. Then I came home and walked Lola. Today I went to the gym again and worked out even longer and harder. I sat down and logged onto my laptop to do the next (long over due) blog entry and decided it was time, again, to go back and read the past entries.

I've done this before and I've felt renewed and remotivated. It didn't have the same effect this time, in fact, it had the complete opposite effect. Instead I sat here fighting back the tears with almost every entry until I couldn't do it anymore and started crying. I'm sooooooo tired of living like this. To have to fight every day to stay on track. To have to meticulously track every single bite of food to make sure I don't eat more than I should. To hate myself every time I eat what everyone else in the room eats with no guilt.

I'm tired of dreading writing my next blog because I'll only be denoting my latest failure instead of my next triumph. My first entries were so energetic and inspiring. I inspired others. Now I'm not even inspiring myself. My attempt at South Beach went terribly wrong. The first week was phenomenal. I lost about 6 pounds. BUT, as I suspected, a person with a food obsession has no business doing a diet like that. I've never craved fruit and fat free yogurt so much in my life. The next week I binged, not only on those things, but on everything I'm not supposed to eat. As did I the next, and the next. I've gained all that back plus 2 more. So, here I am, again reporting another failure.

I know that makes this blog honest. I know that if I only reported the highs and never the lows that no one would be able to relate. Who has ever been inspired to lose weight by someone that just decided to try it one day and succeeded. I'm inspired by women like Oprah who have tried again, and again, and again and have won and lost the battle uncountable times. Look at her now, yet another success. THAT is inspiring. THAT I can relate to.

So here I sit, two weeks shy of 29 years old, wondering when enough is REALLY enough. When will I renew my dedication to lose this weight for the very last time? When will I succeed? Will I succeed? What will happen to me if I don't? When will I be fierce?