Thursday, June 30, 2005

In memoriam

Oh how I do miss my pastas, my sugar, my red meat. We've been so close for so many years and now I turn my back on them as though they've done something unforgivable. A few months ago I could have fed most of Somalia with the amount of bad carbs I ate in a month and now my container of uneaten jasmine rice sits on top of my fridge as if dead to me. My cupboards full of Pasta in a box and Hamburger Helper and soups with potatoes in them are rarely opened and as the cobwebs begin to spin I think "WHYYYYYYYYY????" Why must you raise my blood glucose to ridiculous levels and find comfort in the recesses of my butt, thighs & stomach? We could have been great. We could have gone the distance.

My hamburger has been replaced with ground turkey and my pepper steaks are a thing of the past. Why? Trainer Guy Todd. He's anti-red meat along with pretty much everything else I eat. Every session I bring him my food journal and it ends up riddled with bright orange highlights over what I SHOULDN'T have eaten. I mean, yes, the trip to Olive Garden deserved a highlight or two and the margaritas after the baseball game, perhaps, but the Fat Free Cottage Cheese? The Subway sandwich that didn't even have cheese or mayo? Apparently the more cottage cheese you put in your mouth the more cottage cheese you put on your thighs.

I have, I'll admit, found religion at the gym. Not only is Todd the devil but I'm quite often found uttering, "Oh my Godddddd!" when trying to lift more than I can handle and "Christ!" when he tells me 25 reps at the aforementioned weight I can't handle. Here is where you're probably wondering how all this sadomasochistic behavior is paying off. Well, I'm one for being honest so let me just say...IT'S NOT. I mean, it might be. I mean, not well enough. I mean (insert big sigh here), it's all my fault. I have not been eating in a fashion that is conducive to excellent results so all the working out I've been doing is probably only preventing me from ballooning even more. I've been holding water like the Titanic because I haven't been drinking what I should with all the working out I'm doing (though I remedied that Tuesday when I drank 96 ounces of water...I've been in the bathroom ever since and over night I was 6 pounds lighter). I have a foot injury that I haven't been taking care of and I've been in pain for pretty much 2 months now.

Now, I say it isn't working because the number on the scale isn't going down; however, my logical self says "Yes, silly girl, it is're just looking at the wrong numbers." I know it is working because I can feel and see muscles that weren't there 2 months ago and I'm sure that if I tested my body fat again or maybe even broke out the measuring tape I would be impressed. I know it is working because I can climb a flight of stairs without passing out. I know it is working because people have told me that they can see it. I know it is working because when I go to that gym I feel more like I belong there because I fit in than I belong there because I don't fit into anything.

There is nothing like going from a place where you think everyone is watching you and judging you and taking bets on how long you'll last this time to a place where someone is actually routing for you. A few weeks ago I was lifting weights with Todd and he had the weight at some crazy level and I could barely do half my set let alone finish it. I looked around and there were a good 10 guys on the machines around me and half of them were staring at me as I kept trying and telling Todd I couldn't do it (one should also note that while most men grunt and groan and make hideous faces when the weight they are lifting becomes too much to bare, I laugh hysterically so that's a sure fire way to draw attention). Todd started helping me a little and making me finish them. Laughing through it all, him too at this point, I got it done. I looked up and one of the guys gave me a wink and a thumbs up. A "You go girl!" if you will.

The last few days I've been doing really well in the eating arena as well as the water so hopefully it's all falling into place now. So, goodbye bad carbs and sugar and red meat. You will be missed and I will never forget the good times we've had but our times together will be few and far between now. You'll have to find another ass to enlarge because THIS ass is shrinking on the daily.

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