Better yet, just totally kidnap me and lock me in a spider filled dungeon somewhere. Feed me protein shakes and salad while I watch others eat ice cream. Make me watch Facts of Life reruns by day and blast Boy George songs by night because right now even THAT would be paradise compared to what currently makes up a typical day for me. Send a ransom note made of glue-sticked letters clipped from magazines demanding a drama free work environment and order all persnickety bitches bent over and caned on their mollycoddled asses for my safe return. And believe you me, the list of canees is long and extensive. Just make sure I'm forced to watch said caning (against my will, natch) as part of my "torture".
I am super stressed out. Can ya tell? I'm so stressed out that I'm beginning to show signs of Alzheimers. I'm losing words. I can't remember if I want to use heel or heal, past or passed. I mean, NOBODY knows when to use affect or effect, but HEAL? Am I curing Malaria or buying Manolo Blahniks? It's a damn miracle that I'm even forming sentences right now and don't ask me how I just managed to use persnickety and mollycoddled in the same sentence. Did I even use them correctly? I've almost quit my job 372 times (this week alone) and I walk around aimlessly because I can't remember what I was about to do. The other day I actually had to call my cell phone to find it. For anyone that knows me, that is HUGE, as it is usually an additional appendage for me. Where was it? In Lola's kennel (don't ask). I feel like I should be huddled up in the corner of a highly padded room with a prozac, valium, gelato cocktail sporting the latest in straight jacket couture. I'm losin' it, man. Don't even get me started on the emotional eating that has kicked into overdrive.
Insert calming mantra here. And…relax.
I've lost 20 pounds. I know, yay me. Problem is…I lost those 20 pounds by the beginning of March and nothing since. No, it's not a plateau. It's the fact that I'm not going to the gym and not eating like a sane person. Yes, damn it, I know, at least I'm not gaining considering how I've been eating. Kudos to me. Despite the calorie burn it would promise, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Right now it's all I can do to get through a day so what I eat during that day is of little consequence to me. I'm predicting things will turn around for me over the next month or so and then I can get all crazy focused again. I HAVE to get crazy focused again, I have big summer plans. OY VEY!
I am super stressed out. Can ya tell? I'm so stressed out that I'm beginning to show signs of Alzheimers. I'm losing words. I can't remember if I want to use heel or heal, past or passed. I mean, NOBODY knows when to use affect or effect, but HEAL? Am I curing Malaria or buying Manolo Blahniks? It's a damn miracle that I'm even forming sentences right now and don't ask me how I just managed to use persnickety and mollycoddled in the same sentence. Did I even use them correctly? I've almost quit my job 372 times (this week alone) and I walk around aimlessly because I can't remember what I was about to do. The other day I actually had to call my cell phone to find it. For anyone that knows me, that is HUGE, as it is usually an additional appendage for me. Where was it? In Lola's kennel (don't ask). I feel like I should be huddled up in the corner of a highly padded room with a prozac, valium, gelato cocktail sporting the latest in straight jacket couture. I'm losin' it, man. Don't even get me started on the emotional eating that has kicked into overdrive.
Insert calming mantra here. And…relax.
I've lost 20 pounds. I know, yay me. Problem is…I lost those 20 pounds by the beginning of March and nothing since. No, it's not a plateau. It's the fact that I'm not going to the gym and not eating like a sane person. Yes, damn it, I know, at least I'm not gaining considering how I've been eating. Kudos to me. Despite the calorie burn it would promise, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Right now it's all I can do to get through a day so what I eat during that day is of little consequence to me. I'm predicting things will turn around for me over the next month or so and then I can get all crazy focused again. I HAVE to get crazy focused again, I have big summer plans. OY VEY!
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