Monday, December 29, 2008

Ice ice baby...too cold, too cold.

What would this blog be without a nod to the lyrical poet Rob Van Winkle. You, Mr. Ice, with your rag-top down so your hair can blow and your girlies on standby waving just to say hi? The way you rocked a mic like a vandal and lit up a stage and waxed a chump like a candle? Legendary. It's in your honor that I flow like harpoon daily and nightly (or at least in this blog). Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

That being said, it's cold...too cold in fact. Oregon got dumped on. We broke 40 year snow records. Not just that, but we had ice ice baby. Six inches of snow, with a 1/2 inch of ice 'wiched between that and another six inches of snow. Nightmare. My car didn't leave the driveway for over a week. My mom and I chained up her Bronco and drove up to Portland to get my sister so she could make it home for Christmas. The trip should have taken 2 hours max; it took 6.5. Six and a half hours of sliding, gut wrenching, white knuckling, exhaustive driving...and I was just a passenger. When it was all over I asked my sister if that meant that she was now our bitch for the weekend. Mom said, "I don't know about you, but she's mine!" Nothing like a white Christmas to bring the family together.

I tried to get to a new weight watchers meeting last week, but couldn't. Now that we're all dug out and sufficiently melted, I'm venturing that way tonight. It won't be pretty. My scale is off its meds and the multiple personalities are flowing freely. One day I'm 330 and the next day I'm 360+. I don't have a clue where I'm at; I'm not sure I ever did for that matter. I do know that I'm going to take whatever number they give me at the meeting and run with it. That's what I need...a stable number. Not a number that fluctuates with the tides. Not a number that gives me false hope of being rescued by a crazy hot lifeguard one day and leaves me crashing against the reef the next. Stability people, stability. Although, if that number is higher than three sixty something I might throw myself in front of a Ben & Jerry's truck. There are worse ways to go.

I have plans, big plans, but I'll save that for after the meeting. I'm a heard of turtles.


CJ said...

Girl, where have you been? Glad you are okay! Glad you didn't have an accident in that mess. I told someone else on another blog how I envied them having snow, until hearing about all the shoveling, the melting, more snow, the shoveling....etc. I don't envy you guys anymore!

Good luck with WW. Today was my first day back. I hope all goes well for you!

Sara said...

I lost an hour and a half of my life watching the cinematic tour de force "Cold as Ice" starring the aforementioned Ice of the Vanilla persuasion just a few weeks ago. It was on HBO (either that whole "art is dead" party line is true or the programmers there have an excellent sense of humor) and much like a car crash I simply couldn't look away.

Now I wish they made brain-clorox, because it's just in there, pinging around my skull and inserting scenes randomly into my consciousness.

Make it stop. Please!

Chews to Lose said...

Great blog - just went back and read a few older posts and couldn't stop laughing - loved the sports bra story.

Hope the snow ends soon!

ChristinaJane said...

lol. you effing rock! i laughed so hard. vanilla ice jokes must be a generational thing. i'm so glad to see you're back in full force.

Carlos said...

hot damn she's back and with some old school hip-hop flava! Can't wait to hear the plan Stan.