Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Confessions of a 30-something school girl

So, it's time. Time for a confession. A confession of monumental proportions. No, I didn't get freak nasty with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. No, I didn't binge on various unmentionables...oh wait, I did, but we're not talking about that. It's not about my laptop, my lack of weight loss, or my stress level (which is TOTALLY in check right now). My friends? My devoted readers? My family that just feels obligated to still suffer through this meaningless drivel because it gets sent to their inboxes when I click post? It's about a boy. I...have a wee lil mini crush.

Any of you that know me well know that I've had my fair share of dates with people I've met on the internet. This is not my ideal way of meeting men because there is always fear of rejection looming over every first date. I've never really BEEN rejected because I don't hide my size before we meet. I make it very clear. I date guys that like, or claim to like, that sort of thing. Nevertheless, I go completely bat shit crazy with angst before every first encounter. I worry (like it's my job) that the person is going to be completely disgusted by me because they weren't paying attention when I explained my hugeness or thought I was exaggerating. In a perfect world, I would meet guys out in real life where they see me live and in color and still think I'm bringin' sexy back.

What sucks for me is that on the rare occasion that I do meet someone I like out in the real world, I can't tell them. At my size, there is a 99% chance that he won't like me. I can make conversation, flirt, come up with reasons to be near them, but I can't tell them. The most I can do is secretly hope that he's just as twitterpated, but has the manlies to make a move. Especially if it's someone I have to see every day AFTER the embarrassing and awkward confession of interest. This never happens. That is why, despite my growing interest, I will not be telling a particular boy that I think he's adorable (enter big sigh here).

Last term I had a guy in my class and on the first day, as I perused the room to see if there was anyone I was friends with in there, I spied him. I didn't see him the term before and this is a close knit group so I wondered who he was. I thought he was cuteish and wished I'd have sat next to him. As the term progressed, it became obvious that he was the quiet type. I rarely saw him talking to anyone let alone me. I wanted to know what this boy was all about, but didn't make any efforts or think much about it.

Last term my closest design buddy was intent on determining who in the program should be my boyfriend. It seemed like every week she was pointing out someone else that would be good for me. Usually, she was WAY off base! As the term wound down I told her that if there was anyone in the program that I would want to make graphic design babies with, it would be "him." She hadn't had any classes with him and knew nothing of said boy. This term, I have one class with him and she has like three (completely unfair, but I digress). When he walked into class on the first day he said hi and asked if there were any free seats. I quickly said that the one next to me was open (nevermind all the ones across the room). He was going to sit there when I noticed that someone had set there bag on the floor when I wasn't looking. Foiled again! I corrected myself and pointed to the one on the other side of me that was across the aisle. He sat there, quietly.

Over the last few weeks, he has been making a solid effort to get to know my circle of design Gods. He makes comments here and there or asks for an opinion. He's started talking to the guys more and actively participating in conversation. The last few days though? Have mercy. He and I have talked a lot. I'm now making up reasons to talk to him. I'm asking his opinion on my design whether I want it or not. I'm sitting close and leaning in when he asks for help. Saturday he confessed that he isn't on Facebook and we told him that he had the weekend to remedy that. He said he was still on MySpace and hadn't ventured over to the other side yet. Today I was sitting at a table in the common area outside our classes killing time before my 2:00 p.m. class. I had Mac so I was watching a movie and working on some things. I remembered the MySpace comment and decided I needed to look. I needed to know how old he was at the very least, maybe see if he had a girlfriend. Any intel I could get would be good at this point. I eventually found him on there. I was looking through his pictures, hadn't read anything other than the fact that he is 28 and claims to be single. I looked up and my heart lept from my chest as he was walking toward me with a huge smile. I don't think I've ever closed a screen faster. He couldn't see it, but would have as he came around to sit next to me. My heart was racing. He asked if I was going to be sitting there for a while and I said yes. He set his stuff down and said he'd be right back. A few minutes later he was back and sat with me. We talked about projects, I asked him some Getting To Know You type questions and tried not to look all glossy eyed and stupid as he talked. Swoon.

We now break for these important messages.

I'm at school right now working in the design lab and he has class in the room connected to this one. He just came in and sought me out to ask if I had an extra plastic folder (that we turn our projects in with) that he could borrow. Whether I do or don't, even if I had to take all of my stuff out of one to let him borrow it, I jumped on the chance. Flutter.

Now back to this post already in progress.

Once in class I texted my aforementioned buddy and told her that it has progressed to a full blown mini crush. She's giddy about the whole thing. She was in class with him at that very moment and decided that he's really great and she approves. Now I have someone to giggle with about the whole thing every time he walks by. Not sure that's a good thing as it makes me feel like I'm back in high school. I told her that we needed to have another after class drinkfest at the bar up the street next week. She agreed. I proceeded to invite the regulars as I saw them and then he and I were talking again and I invited him. He seems interested, though confessed that seeing him drunk might not be a good thing. Oh how I disagree.

So there you have it, my confession. He and I have class tomorrow morning. Now that my crush is official, maybe I should start coming to school looking like I didn't just roll out of bed, no? Time to bring the heat. He doesn't stand a chance.


Fat[free]Me said...

Sounds like he is interested, I think you have got to let him know that he is more than an ordinary friend somehow. It ain't easy, not all men see the signs.

Good luck with the night out!

Carlos said...

go get that poor bastard!

Tricia said...

I gotta say that having a designated crush in any place you have to spend a lot of time...work, school, etc...definitely makes the days better. Now get super fine every morning and make babies with him.