Saturday, August 18, 2012

Torn

Last post I mentioned that I hadn't been focused on losing weight. That I was still 30 pounds down, but that I did most of that without fixating on the art of weight loss. That I seemed to do better just living life without obsessing over it. Well, I'm torn. There is a sense of urgency now. That lingering feeling that I need to lose X amount by X date. I got on the scale this morning and I was correct in that I had kept off the 30 pounds, but in truth, it was more of a "gained back ten and lost it again" situation. So, why the urgency?

I want to get back to Ireland mid to late October. I'm not quite sure it's possible, but I'm up for the challenge. I have started a fundraising campaign to take on an art project while I'm there. 100 Illustrations: Ireland. It basically involves me traveling the whole of Ireland for a few weeks and documenting it through illustrations, doodles, and journaling. While I did tell everyone not to let their weight hold them back from doing the things they want to do, I am aware of actual physical limitations. I cannot walk or hike or climb the way I would want to when I'm there. I won't be able to do all I want even if I lost 40 or 50 pounds before I go, but that would at least make some of it more feasible.

So, what do I do? Fixate again? Focus all of my efforts on weight loss and fundraising? Do I have it in me? I'm not even sure. I know that I need to. I know that I'm killing myself...which apparently hasn't been motivation enough. Is an epic journey and art project enough? I don't know. I'm just putting it out there...and trying to blog more than once a year.

2 comments:

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