Monday, November 21, 2005

I'm a big ol' juicy liar

My last entry guaranteed success. I winced when I typed those words knowing my track record yet I still typed them as if it would secure my place in the weight loss hall of fame. I did post a couple sad excuses for entries between then and now but somehow (evil grin) when I transferred the old blog to it’s new home I lost them. OK, so, I confess…I just plain didn’t LIKE those entries nor do I want more professions of my being in the “zone” again published for all to see. Why? Because the zone came and went like a 2-dollar whore thus leaving one ashamed and hoping no one was the wiser.

I joined Weight Watchers meetings AGAIN and just last week decided to quit because I’d pretty much only been gaining and I’d rather spend my money on something that DOESN’T make me feel worthless. I also decided to stop doing the spa parties and though I’ll miss the extra money I will NOT miss schlepping spa stuff to and fro during my weekends. I’ll still maintain consultant status but ix-nay on the arty-pays. I tell myself that those weekends will now be spent working out and working on flutterBy (my greeting card company) but so far its just involved a lot of quality couch time.

Last week I got the gumption to fill out the forms for the next season of The Biggest Loser and when it came time to make the video I froze. Not so much by the thought that it wouldn’t be very good but more by the realization that during the first few shows of the season those ladies are getting up there half naked. They get on those scales in a sports bra and spandex shorts. That, my friends, is a fork in the road that I will NOT be taking on this journey. I’d rather have each individual eyelash plucked from my lids than withstand that hell.

So here I sit at 350 pounds (note: 5 pounds from my all time heaviest) and just kickin my own ass for my inability to control this monster. I mean come on, it’s hard work, but brain surgery it is NOT. Just eat right and exercise for crying out loud. Stop self-medicating with food. Stop putting myself last on the list of things to take care of and bump me right up there to the top. Stop saying “I can’t do it!” and “It’s too much weight to lose.” and just DO IT! Ok, now that I sound like a shoe commercial I think I’m done.

I’m not professing entry into any mythological zones and I’m making no guarantees. I’m just letting you know I’m back and diligently searching for the testicular fortitude to git er done. For those still sticking with me and rooting me on, clearly you have more patience and sticktoitiveness than I do and so in your honor I’ll give it another shot and try to post often. Oh sweet CHRIST let this work to my favor.

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