Monday, September 15, 2008

Move over baby Jesus, there's a new miracle in town!

I lost 3 more pounds. Let me now put some perspective on the miracle that is this weigh in. First, as you know, I "supposedly" lost 7 pounds last week so I wasn't expecting much this week. Back to back big losses is a rarity in my world. Second, I ate complete and utter gluttonous crap Thursday through Sunday. If you think I'm kidding the list follows:

Taco Bell, Ice Cream

Gelato, Burger King, Starbucks, Chinese Food, Alcohol, Gelato (why yes, I do realize I said gelato twice, but thanks for not pointing and laughing).


Taco Bell

Now that we're all chalk full of perspective, would anyone like to explain just how in the hell I pulled that one off? I feel that next week I'll get on my scale and will suffer a serious gut punch as it screams "Psych!" and I'm 15 pounds heavier. This just can't be. I probably have to change the batteries in it or it's time to move it to a more balanced locale in the room. I just don't deserve that.

There is only one thing telling me that it's a legit and well deserved loss. A little thing I like to call Gastrointestinal Pyrotechnics. If you've ever eaten healthy for longer than a month or two then you know what I'm talking about. You can't dive head first back into greasy, fattening, morally degrading food like that and not suffer the consequences. Your body calls for back up via the morse code that is the gurgling of your tortured insides. It calls into action every available inch of intestine, colon, and bowel with tactical support from the liver, pancreas, gallbladder, and stomach. Together they force the enemy from your body as quickly and efficiently as possible. Obliterated, it seems, from the recesses of ones fat cells.

My body pulled together and saved me this week. I must thank it by being 100% back on program. I think I got a little out of control because my life is in limbo. My future is currently resting in everyone's hands but my own. I'm still waiting to hear from the literary agent. I had an interview for a job I would kill to have (ok, maybe just mame). I don't know what's going on with me and "the boy." I start school next week. I have court for the ticket tomorrow. Yeah, I don't do well in limbo land. Mama likes everything to have order and fat girls have no business doing the limbo anyway.

So, now weighing 323 (or do I), I've officially lost 10% of my body weight. Hoorah, Bitches!


Becci said...

Babes, you and me need to spend a weekend together. Ummmmm, you said Gelato. I have mentioned the my darling sister was a gelato whore at Whole Foods for a minute. Can you say 32 ounce tub? Cuz I can. Now, aren't you glad you didn't give your scale the assisted suicide routine?

Carlos said...

book it! drink lots of water this week and it may even stick. good luck on the rest of the limbo. booze and ice cream, you're my kinda date!