Fear does not exist in this dojo.

If you’re like my friend, you believe that Ralph Macchio’s career was cut tragically short (and who doesn’t really?). If you’re like me, you believe that anything worth learning in life could be taught by Mr. Miyagi. “Look eye, always look eye!” Wise words, Mr. M., wise words.

Though pain often does exist in my dojo, fear apparently does not. I did something that I thought I’d never do. Leaving my fear of rejection behind me like a baton meant for the hands of a U.S. Olympic track athlete, I emailed a literary agent. After all the years of people telling me I need to write a book or telling me I need to publish my blog, I’m setting it into motion. I sent the following email to said agent:

“Dear Mr. Literary Agent,

Please do forgive me if my submission reeks of shock and awe as I thought hell would surely have had to freeze over before I submitted a query to a literary agent. And yet, here I am. Initially conflicted with the voice that should come across in my email, I surmised that I should attempt to mimic the one most often present in my writing...intelligence and wit (often also referred to as “a raging smart ass sense of humor”).

My family often hounded me about writing a book, but seriously? They’re my family. They’re supposed to encourage even the most ridiculous of fantasies. Enter November, 2004. I started a memoir/blog about my journey to lose weight (current working title Operation Shrink A Bootie). Having been fat my entire life, I felt more than qualified to broach the subject. Though more a way for me to collect my thoughts and stay focused than anything else, I also hoped that at least a few people would be able to relate to what I said. What resulted was, well, a following. A mini fan club of people that are either inspired or entertained. Now complete strangers (read: people I’m not related to) leave comments on my blog about how much they love my writing, how they relate to what I’m saying, how I inspire them. Though I’d rather have my eyelashes plucked out one by one than admit my family might be right, I’m left begging the question...what if?

There really is no better way to give you a feel for my writing then to let you glimpse into the blog itself. Since I’m not sure how you feel about links to random blogs, I have inserted a few entries below. Though they are in order, there are many entries missing. My hope is to publish my entries in a style similar to a journal. I realize that edits need to be made and I also realize I should stop posting to my blog if I am serious about publishing it in something I expect someone to actually pay money for (buying the cow, free milk, yada yada). I do hope that this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship and that some day I’ll be afforded the opportunity to thank you in a cleverly crafted “Acknowledgements” page.

Thank you for your time.

Best,

Kelly Anderson”

Then I inserted a few of my entries. Now, I wait…and wait…and wait. Rumor has it that these people will respond in one way, shape or form (unlike the staff at Oprah when I suggested a meet and greet with Matthew). The questions is, will they tell me I’m a talentless hack or will they agree that I have an audience and they’d like to hear what other pointless ramblings I’m able to muster? I, obviously, vote for the latter. I think we can all agree, when it comes to pointless ramblings, I am queen!

I know that it can take weeks for a response, but every ding alerting me to email received finds me with my heart in my throat. I just want to know, either way, what someone in the industry actually thinks (not that your opinions are in any way less important to me, natch).

Gasp! Email.

Rats! Junkmail.

Monday’s weigh in had me losing the 2 pounds from last week. One more to lose to get back to where I was. I’m at 333. On “the boy” front, he got back from his trip last night. He missed me (giggle) and wanted me to come up to see him (giggle), so I did (giggle). Since I wasn’t expecting him back so soon and had to get decent, it was midnight before I got there. This was the first time I saw him since he finished up with school. We snuggled up on the couch (giggle), watched a movie (giggle), and then I stayed the night (giggle). We didn’t study. Banzai, Danielsan! Banzai!