Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Oops, I did it again

It's no secret that I haven't lost anymore weight. I've been back and forth between a 16 and 18 pound loss more than Paris Hilton has been in and out of jail. I haven't been going crazy, but I definitely haven't paid enough attention to what I've been eating. Let's discuss why...shall we?

I am financially challenged. By the time I pay bills, I don't have much left for grocery money. I have proven time and time again that I do my best at this when I have a fridge chalk full of options and options I've been a lackin' lately. So how do I plan to remedy this? A roommate (God, help me). I signed up for this online roomie findin' service and don't have anyone YET, but hopefully will soon. That will give me oodles of extra money for groceries...just less room in my fridge. I was looking for a McJob to do on evenings and weekends, but I really don't think that's gonna work for me. I have a dog that would never see the light of day and a home business I'd never have time for. Just when would I hit the gym and prepare healthy meals if I was working a good 70 hours a week? When would I have fun? When would I go to my Weight Watchers meetings?

That's right, I've done it again. Last night I attended my first (part, like, six) Weight Watchers meeting. I'm giving it yet another go. In the past I have typically quit because of those very same financial reasons. Not only would said roomie help me find the money for my meetings, but WW also has different payment plans now. A once a month payment option that makes the meetings cheaper per meeting as well as removing the hassle of having to pay every week. I didn't always HAVE the money by the time the next meeting roled around.

The hour before the meeting I had butterflies. I don't know why. I'd been through the joining process entirely too many times. I know the program. I was still nervous. Then I got on the scale and realized why. I must have subconsciously known that I would suddenly be 11 pounds heavier. ELEVEN people. That GOD DAMN (sorry) scale weighs me ELEVEN pounds heavier than the one at home. That's just asanine. I expected a pound or two difference, but I was NOT ready for that. I had even intentionally eaten a huge lunch, drank a bunch of water on the way over, left my shoes on, and put my keys and cell phone in my pocket to try and get my starting weight with them as close to where I had REALLY started so it would be a true reflection of how far I've come. Well, at this place you can't see the number when you step on the scale. Had I seen it I'd have been like, "Woah, Nelly, lemme take my shoes off and OOPS my keys and cell seem to still be in my pocket. Oh, and let me go to the bathroom first." It had me weighing in at 365.2. I know!! That's 5.2 heavier than when i restarted.

I had a moment of "Holy Shit." when I sat down and read what she had written. I knew I had eaten a lot. I knew I was bloated. I knew all the things that could have contributed to the number, but not THAT number. That was painful. When I got home I got on my scale wearing and carrying all the same things. I had multiple thoughts race through my head. 1. Wow, that number was a lot lower this morning when I was naked and had an empty belly. 2. OK, thank God there is a drastic difference and I haven't really gained that much weight and then 3. What the F$%@? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, what the, 6, 7, 8, you gotta be, 9, 10, ELEVEN? Ouch!

I don't know what I'm going to do about the scale differences, but I do know that I have to make a go of it this time. I don't think I've ever lasted long enough to get ALL of the information they pass out to you. I think it's the first 10 weeks that they give you new program info at every weigh in. I think I've made it to 9. How sad is that? I could be mistaken, but it's not likely. I know for a fact I've never made it to the 16 week mark when you get a lil recognition charm. I'm lame. Maybe I have commitment issues. Either that or a fear of success. With my luck, it's probably both. So, while I figure out which weight I'm going by, route for my success at not being a WW drop out again.

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