Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Side order of perspective, please!

I'm convinced that Nicole Richie weighs an estimated 80 pounds. That, of course, being when she's chalk full of bling, lathered in tanning oil, sporting sunglasses that cover her entire upper cranium, and carrying the latest in kick dog fashion. Do I have any desire to look like her? H, to the E, to the HELL NO! Looking like I'm fresh out of Auschwitz might score me a primo seat in Hollywood, but it's just a hint of creepy in my opinion.

I will, however, use her to help you gain perspective on what I'm trying to accomplish. The aforementioned weight estimate being true, I have to lose 2.5 Nicole Richies to even be in the same neighborhood as a healthy weight range. Two and a half people, albeit, abnormally small people, but two and a half people nonetheless. That being said, bitch better pack her bags. I'm 2 weeks into makin' a strong come back and have 3 primo motivators for following through.

1. I'm getting a roommate. Thus far it looks as though it will be a guy. Like I'm really gonna belly up to a pint of Ben & Jerry's with a guy sitting there watching me. I will probably hit the gym all the time to impress him, regardless of whether or not I even like him, just because I don't want to be the fat girl chillin' on the couch. He has actually suggested going to the gym with me. Sweet! A work out buddy.

2. My clothes are starting to fit better and I'm starting to get rid of old stuff that I have no business wearing anymore. That, and I have hand me downs that others shrank out of that I've never worn and need to make room by throwing away obese girl clothes.

3. Probably the most important motivator on the list. My friend has a time share in Tahiti, or her parent's do rather, and we are planning to go in about a year. She's mentioned it before and I deemed it impossible in a hurry. Me, in Tahiti? Me, on a tropical beach? Are you kidding me? Well, I'm gonna do it!

Now, said friend dives. So does said potential roommate. I have told him that he has 1 year to turn me into a diver so that I can experience the total package when I'm playing island girl. Latest poles would suggest that big girls don't dive. I must remedy the situation by no longer being a big girl. I must lose a ritchie and a half before the trip.

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