Thursday, January 1, 2009

So long rat, hello ox!

Welcome, 2009, with your hair full of confetti and your pockets full of hope. Come in and have a seat. I have big plans for you, my friend, big plans. Your predecessor, 2008, has not been kind and to be quite honest, I couldn't be happier to see that bitch go down. I knew going in that the year of the rat was not going to be a banner year. I mean, really, a rat? Let's recap, shall we?

We lost some great one's in 2008. Paul Newman, Heath Ledger, Bernie Mac, Eartha Kitt, Bo Diddley, Charlton Heston, George Carlin, Tim Russert, Isaac Hayes, Harvey Korman, and don't even get me started on the death of those pink and white animal cookies with the fall of the Mother's Cookies empire. The list of 2008 casualties, celebrity or otherwise, is long. My personal list of losses is just as extensive, and since weight isn't among them, I will mention only grandmother. Though we lost her mind to Alzheimer's years ago, we had to officially say goodbye in 2008.

Speaking of death, how about that economy, huh? Completely in the shitter. Oregon's unemployment rate alone is higher than it's been in about 34 years. Businesses are shutting down left and right and those that do manage to stay afloat are laying off their staff at an alarming rate. I have been out of a job since February and can count on one hand the number of interviews I've been called in for. Gas prices this summer were insane and the stock market? Seriously? Someone might wanna check on that big ol' bull statue they've got near Wall Street cuz someone's got him by the balls.

I, too, have hope for 2009. Our new president promises change. Regardless of your political beliefs (and no, I have no interest in hearing them), the mere fact that we have an African American man taking office speaks volumes for the potential of this country. Regardless of who you or I voted for, you cannot miss seeing the significance of that. I hope that he will do us all proud. I hope that the change he brings is to the benefit of each of us. I may or may not hope that he brings back Mother's Cookies.

I have hope for 2009 because I plan to lose 100 pounds before the Ox passes the torch to the Tiger. I have the support of new friends that I barely know, even if I don't have the support of those I've known for years. I have them tracking me down on my blackberry and softly whispering "Step away from the ice cream, bitch." wherever I go. Bets have been made, lines have been drawn, and the gloves are off. Hear me roar!

I have hope for 2009 because today I got a sign that everything will be alright; that good things will come for me this year. Today I saw a preview for another movie starring Gerard Butler. Things are lookin' up, kids, lookin' up indeed.


CJ said...

I am so with you girl! Gerard Butler....mmmmm.....mmmmm....mmmm!!!

Happy 2009! Make it your year!!

Losing Waist! said...

You are really creative and talented and FUCKINGFUNNY!

This can be everyone's year! I am feeling it! We have a blogging support community of fellow sufferers and we can lean on them for support!

Those little pink and white cookies... I hated the pink ones and would eat ALL of the white ones and slowly peck away at the pink ones until they were gone (because I am not a "NO"kind of girl) ... now they are really gone... that is actually good because they were a binge food from the past! ha!

Becci said...

I would never call you bitch :) Okay who are we kidding, I would. And I expect nothing less in return.

Gerard Butler............nummy!

MizFit said...

seriously funny. and talented.

just clickstumbled here and look forward to reading your insightful snark all through 2009!

*Kristine* said...

i love your blogs!

the pink and white cookies are gone??? dang, i loved them. i think my love for them can be found on my right butt cheek.

Carlos said...

Nice! 2009 doesn't have a chance against your iron will. Kick some OX ass!

CrankyTiger said...

Awesome, awesome. I stumbled on your blog from your WW profile after traipsing through the message boards. You're hysterical - I can't wait to see how the year turns out for you.