Change your mind

The first step to changing your life, in my opinion (is there any other?), is changing your mind. Simple in concept, perhaps not so in execution...at least for most. Somehow, I have done it. There are a few contributing factors (being sick of being sick of myself is a solid start), but one thing that really helped me focus my energy was a book. One simple little book. Here, read this entry on my other blog. If you're open to the possibilities of everything positive thinking can bring to your life, read it. If you're just tired of trying everything and getting nowhere, read it. If you are surrounded by negativity and gagging to change it, read it. Better yet, practice it. Nuff said.

So, how has my mind changed? Assuming (because I'm gangster and I don't care if assuming is dangerous) that you have read my last entry (and if you haven't, what the hell?), you know some things that I've been doing. I mentioned my new arm graffiti and have safety-pinned a photo of it to the top of this entry for good measure. Beautiful, no? The kanji says Kaizen. Literally, Kai means "change" and Zen means "for the better." Now, it's typically a Japanese philosophy tied up with bows for the work place, but I like to repurpose philosophies just as much as flea market finds. It's about doing something every day to better your life. In the work place that would be things to work more efficiently, save money, produce a better product, keep clients happy, etcetera. In my life, it is applied to everything. Every single day I will do something, anything, to better my life. Maybe that's as simple as a bouquet of fresh flowers, journaling to purge my brain of clutter, a nap to boost the energy...if it brings you joy, moves you forward, helps you reach a goal, betters your life in any little way, or just simply makes getting out of bed worth it...do it. Eventually, the harder life improvement tasks (cleaning your house, looking for a job, eating healthy, moving more, taking care of yourself and living a great life) will get easier, or at least become something you can tolerate and get done anyway. The more of those things you do in a day the better. That's part one.

Part two is the L&G. The Love and the Gratitude. Let's face it, being in a bad mood and pissy about everything and whiney and bitchy is, more often than not, easier (far too easy for some). Finding the bright side to every bad situation takes epic creativity sometimes. However, how does the negativity make you feel? Tied up inside, anxious, a right cranky mofo? Usually, it even takes an actual physical toll on your body (tired, achey, sick). Now, how does positivity make you feel? How does a wicked good mood cause you any mental or physical distress? So, in the long run, which one is harder? Be thankful, be happy, be positive. Find joy in even the smallest things and eventually you'll find joy in everything. Focus more on what you do have than what you don't have (unless what you don't have is diabetes or cancer or the like, in which case, how's about being happy about that, too). If that new bouquet of flowers is literally the shining star in your day right now, then sit there and stare at them and bask in the glory that is petals and pollen until your entire being is smiling. Now find something else that makes you happy, rinse, and repeat. If the sound of a snoring puppy makes you giggle as hard as it does me, give your dog some Xanax and start laughing (I kid, naturally, no puppies were harmed in the bettering of my mood). Start thanking people. Thanking God (whoever your God may be). Thanking the Universe. Thank your mailman, your barista, your mom, your gynecologist. Whoever and whatever...just start saying thank you. Start imagining the things you want in and for your life with such great detail and enthusiasm that you feel like you already have it.

These are the first two things I've done to change my frame of mind and subsequently my life. I'll write about other things next time, but for now...Kaizen, bitches!

7 Pounds

Will Smith has more talent than any one man with a wee little wife should. I was a fan even before he packed up and moved to the hood of Bel-Air. Considering he is the only actor in history to have eight consecutive films gross over $100 million in the domestic box office, I'm confident that his parents have finally found a way to understand. You can add 7 Pounds to his list of accomplishments, if you ask me. This movie is...powerful. Maybe it's not for everyone (and I will not call you out on being a heartless bastard if that's the case, to each their own), and I'm not saying it's the best movie of all time, but it is thought provoking and, oh yeah, powerful. Like the trailers, I can't tell you what it's about. Mom asked me and the only way she got intel was with a disclaimer entailing, "If I tell you, it will ruin the movie." Part of the draw is the fact that you're left sitting there to figure out what he's up to. To take the pieces of information you're givin and come to your own conclusion (which I did, early on, cuz I'm, well, brill). Just go see it.

Speaking of seven, I've been "tagged" to expound on 10 interesting things about myself and then pass the priv to seven others. Let the expounding commence...

1. I've established through other posts (and a tattoo, much to my parent's dismay) that I am Dutch. The pride in this comes from the struggles of my grandparents and the close relationship I had with them growing up. My grandparent's knew each other all their lives. They lived across the street from each other. When the Nazi's roamed the streets of Holland looking for men to work in their labor camps, my grandfather hid behind the ovens of a bakery. That bakery belonged to my grandmother's family. They saved him from having to go to a labor camp; they likely saved his life. Fast forward to 1948. At 24 years old, my grandparents arrived at Ellis Island. Young, pregnant with my mom, scared, and hopeful, they crossed the country and found themselves in Oregon. They taught themselves English, became citizens, owned a dairy farm, raised an excellent family, and lived great lives.

2. I'm an undercover artist. I dabble in all kinds of media. The problem is, I lack confidence. No matter how good others tell me I am, I can take any piece of my art and show you everything that's wrong with it. I am my own worst critic and because of that, I hardly draw anymore. When I was a senior in high school I was a finalist for a full ride scholarship to an art school in Seattle. They paid for me to come up, spend the weekend, interview, and show my portfolio. I didn't get it. I whole heartedly believe that my extreme shyness and lack of confidence was my undoing. Story of my life. Fifteen years later, I'm finally working on getting my Graphic Design degree, even if it is at a Community College and not an art school.

3. I'm writing a novel. A bit of a romantic comedy it seems. The protagonist (main character for those not hip to the terms) is a woman that has lost a lot of weight and finds that she still battles a lot of the same insecurities as she finally starts living her life for the first time. Ideally, I'd like to be able to legitimately call myself a writer some day. To do that, I feel like I have to actually be published. To actually have someone say "Dude, you rock. I want to represent you and get your book published." I want to walk into a bookstore and find my book on the shelf (or not on the shelf because it's sold out...way better). Whether it be publishing the very writings on this blog or a novel I some day finish, the goal is to get published. Any suggestions on a pen name?

4. I'm left-handed. Not jaw dropping in the grand scheme of things, but you'd be surprised to learn (if you're a righty anyway) how it affects a person's life. It is most certainly a right-hander's world. From scissors, to notebooks, to the hobbit size desks found on most college campuses. Even my guitar is for a righty (yeah, I never did get very far on learning guitar). Almost every day a lefty comes across yet another reminder that they are a societal outcast. Woes us.

5. It is essential that I get to Holland and see where my grandparent's grew up, but oddly, Holland is only number two on my list of Top 5 countries to visit before I die. Ireland is number one. I am also Irish (less so than Dutch, but Irish nonetheless). When I was in high school I got myself an Irish Claddagh ring. I loved it. The significance of it and everything one could decipher about your relationship status based solely on how I wore it. I've wanted to go to Ireland ever since, but fat girls don't fly (this fat girl anyway) and haven't been on a plane since I was 14. Truth be told, my first trip out of the country really needs to be to a place where everyone speaks english. I'll already be a fish out of water and would like to at least be able to read signs pointing me in the direction of a bathroom. And considering my complete crush on boys with Irish accents, I may or may not find I've been struck illiterate and have to ask...often.

6. I've never been in love.

7. I have an allergic reaction to chronic negativity. It sucks the life right out of me. I have gotten rid of friends for this very reason. I'm related to the most negative person I know and that's more than I can handle on most days so I'm not about to invite it in by choice. I'm not talking about someone going through a bad patch. I'm talking about the kind of people that complain 90% of the time and are only happy if everyone around them is as miserable as they are. I have my own demons and I fight to maintain positivity every day. I don't need the people in my life bringing me down.

8. I hate folding clothes. Most of my laundry will live in a clothes basket for days upon days before I find that I've worn most of it and only have to put away a few socks and a couple shirts.

9. A few years ago I started a home business. It has evolved through the years and is basically graphic design based. I do greeting cards, wedding (and other) invitations, some web design, corporate identity (logos, stationery, business cards and such), design t-shirts, etc. Up until last term, I was self-taught in all areas. Talk about taking on too much at once! I finally decided to put it on hold and buckle down and get my degree so that I'll have more confidence to pimp my goods. I'll determine my specialties and stick to those. I'm hoping my speciality is web design and t-shirts (and writing).

10. I have a slight case of OCD when it comes to buying new things. If I'm buying a book, magazine, notebook, sketchpad, whatever, I take from the middle of the stack to get one that no one else has likely rifled through. If it has a bent corner, no matter how minor, I grab another one. It's not that I expect them to stay that way. I would just rather buy something pristine and trash it myself.

Holy hell that was hard! I am way to boring to come up with 10 interesting things. Hopefully reading it isn't as painful as writing it has been. And, tag, you're it! Sucker!