Change your mind

The first step to changing your life, in my opinion (is there any other?), is changing your mind. Simple in concept, perhaps not so in execution...at least for most. Somehow, I have done it. There are a few contributing factors (being sick of being sick of myself is a solid start), but one thing that really helped me focus my energy was a book. One simple little book. Here, read this entry on my other blog. If you're open to the possibilities of everything positive thinking can bring to your life, read it. If you're just tired of trying everything and getting nowhere, read it. If you are surrounded by negativity and gagging to change it, read it. Better yet, practice it. Nuff said.

So, how has my mind changed? Assuming (because I'm gangster and I don't care if assuming is dangerous) that you have read my last entry (and if you haven't, what the hell?), you know some things that I've been doing. I mentioned my new arm graffiti and have safety-pinned a photo of it to the top of this entry for good measure. Beautiful, no? The kanji says Kaizen. Literally, Kai means "change" and Zen means "for the better." Now, it's typically a Japanese philosophy tied up with bows for the work place, but I like to repurpose philosophies just as much as flea market finds. It's about doing something every day to better your life. In the work place that would be things to work more efficiently, save money, produce a better product, keep clients happy, etcetera. In my life, it is applied to everything. Every single day I will do something, anything, to better my life. Maybe that's as simple as a bouquet of fresh flowers, journaling to purge my brain of clutter, a nap to boost the energy...if it brings you joy, moves you forward, helps you reach a goal, betters your life in any little way, or just simply makes getting out of bed worth it...do it. Eventually, the harder life improvement tasks (cleaning your house, looking for a job, eating healthy, moving more, taking care of yourself and living a great life) will get easier, or at least become something you can tolerate and get done anyway. The more of those things you do in a day the better. That's part one.

Part two is the L&G. The Love and the Gratitude. Let's face it, being in a bad mood and pissy about everything and whiney and bitchy is, more often than not, easier (far too easy for some). Finding the bright side to every bad situation takes epic creativity sometimes. However, how does the negativity make you feel? Tied up inside, anxious, a right cranky mofo? Usually, it even takes an actual physical toll on your body (tired, achey, sick). Now, how does positivity make you feel? How does a wicked good mood cause you any mental or physical distress? So, in the long run, which one is harder? Be thankful, be happy, be positive. Find joy in even the smallest things and eventually you'll find joy in everything. Focus more on what you do have than what you don't have (unless what you don't have is diabetes or cancer or the like, in which case, how's about being happy about that, too). If that new bouquet of flowers is literally the shining star in your day right now, then sit there and stare at them and bask in the glory that is petals and pollen until your entire being is smiling. Now find something else that makes you happy, rinse, and repeat. If the sound of a snoring puppy makes you giggle as hard as it does me, give your dog some Xanax and start laughing (I kid, naturally, no puppies were harmed in the bettering of my mood). Start thanking people. Thanking God (whoever your God may be). Thanking the Universe. Thank your mailman, your barista, your mom, your gynecologist. Whoever and whatever...just start saying thank you. Start imagining the things you want in and for your life with such great detail and enthusiasm that you feel like you already have it.

These are the first two things I've done to change my frame of mind and subsequently my life. I'll write about other things next time, but for now...Kaizen, bitches!

Lovely Rita, Meter Maid

Have you ever spent a glorious afternoon in the city doing all of your favorite things as if money were no object? Mani with Pedi perhaps? Lunch with the girls/boys? A little retail therapy? In a perfect world, perhaps all of the above with a side of gelato. As you walk back to your car there is a certain bounce in your step and then your perfect day is over. Your stomach drops right out of your body as you notice a meter maid, excuse me, Parking Enforcement Officer, drawing nearer to your car. You check your watch and realize it's only a matter of seconds before your time expires. Your face goes flush, your heart races, beads of sweat form on your brow and, as if in slow motion, you start racing towards your car with arms and shopping bags flailing. You reach the meter as Rita starts flipping open her pad just itching to tally another ticket towards her quota. Clock ticking you start frantically searching your pockets and purse for the one thing that can save you right now...change.

That's what I need right now...change, or rather, changes. I need to make a lot of them. I haven't been doing very much right lately. At best I go a day or two before it all goes wrong again. I usually start off well, but if I haven't screwed it up by lunch I certainly have by dinner. The last couple weeks I've been eating better, but not good enough. I'm getting a little exercise, but not enough. Any of you that have been following me for any decent amount of time know that I can really only do this if I'm consumed by this. I haven't wanted to be consumed by this. I've been too busy being consumed by school and money and everything else life has been throwing at me. The thing is, when I am consumed by weight loss and doing everything right, I find it much easier to deal with all of the things life throws at me. I feel in control and better able to face any obstacles put in front of me. I feel stronger, I have more energy, I have more focus.

Here are 10 changes I'm prepared to offer you, Lovely Rita, Meter Maid, because I'm by no means ready for my time to expire just yet.

1. At least 32 oz. of water every day
2. At least 4 blog entries a week
3. Consistently Twitter every day about what I'm doing and what I'm eating
4. At least 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week
5. Get out of bed before 8 every weekday
6. Be in bed before 11:30 every weekday
7. Eat a healthy low-fat breakfast every day
8. Eat 5 to 6 small meals a day
9. Start taking my diabetes meds again
10. Stop the negative self-talk

Put the ticket book away, bitch, I just bought myself some more time.

Never let it settle

Many people go through their lives settling. They get up every day and go to a job that they hate because it's easier than trying to find another one or because they resist change. They stay in relationships they know are bad for them if not at least moderately unhealthy because it's easier than being alone or because the dating scene is a hot mess and nobody wants that. They stay fat because spending every evening on the couch eating fast food and ice cream is way easier than getting exercise or resisting temptation. Is it? Is it easier?

Is sitting behind a desk listening to a nagging bitch of a boss make you feel worthless easier than finding a job where you're respected? Or maybe it's not that drastic. Maybe you're just feeling unchallenged, that you could be doing so much more with your life, and waking up every morning absolutely dreading facing another pointless day in the life of you. You're right. That sounds AWESOME!

Is having your stomach clenched up in knots as you hear the sound of your significant other's car pulling up easier than being single? Will you sit across from them at dinner, again, trying to mentally list all the reasons that you're with them and only be able to come up with "because it's better than being alone?" Are you changing who you are, being less than you are, because it's what you think they want you to be? Sign me up for that shit, quick!

Is eating whatever you want and never having to turn down food easier than waking up every day hating yourself? Is the 5 minutes of bliss while bellied up to a pint of Ben & Jerry's so much better than the embarrassment you feel when you can barely fit in a booth at a restaurant? Is it? Really?

Why do we settle for so much less than we deserve? Obviously the last example is a habit I've yet to break. I feel strong today, but how long will I? I did about two and a half hours of various Wii activity today and feel great (if great means sore). I didn't tally a win at the BBQ last night, but I didn't go bat shit crazy either. I did a little damage control before hand and stopped at the Whole Foods that is about a block from their house. I love Whole Foods. Just walking in there makes me feel like I'm doing something good for myself; like I'm fighting to eat better. I got some King Harvest Jalapeno Hummus (Portland made, naturally, and best) and some of the cutest ittiest bittiest pita rounds for dippin'. I also got some baked pita chips as well in case the chips they had beckoned. I gnoshed on those before dinner and when it came time to eat, I had one brat sans the bun and a hamburger (not bril, but not over the top either as I left off mayo and only used mustard and ketchup), and a tiny scoop of potato salad. I may or may not have had cookies afterwards, you have no proof. I had 3 of the Mojitos (so yum) that were purchased in my honor and when told to take the rest with me, I declined and told him to keep them for when I come back. I made choices. I didn't blindly put food on my plate without caring. I didn't pass off my accountability to another day. I chose what I was going to eat and drink without guilt or self loathing.

Today, all in all, I think I've done well. Aforementioned exercise; cereal & fat free milk; hummus & greek pita; wheat bagel with avocado, ham and lettuce...now it's time for dinner. I can hear it being made downstairs, but I have no idea what it is. I am prepared, though, to make yet another choice. So, take a minute to assess the ways in which you settle; the things in your life that you want and have the power to change. After that, make choices! Wish me luck, I'm goin' in!