Monday, August 25, 2008

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!

I’ve been single for four years and in that time I rarely got past the awkward first date. In the off chance that I did, I never saw someone more than three times. At first this was fun and all, but the more time you spend with someone the more you begin to remember why you’ve been single for four years...well, the more I do anyway. It’s just flat out easier that way. In the last four years I never had to worry about just how many other girls I was competing with or if they were skinnier or prettier (OK, realistically, there is a 99.9% chance that they are skinnier, so I guess I still don't have to worry about that, but I still hope I'm cuter). I haven't been forced to come to the realization that I still have a lot of trust issues from previous debacles some would call "relationships". I never had to worry if I was being used for my 4.0 and my insane ability to formulate a sentence in just the right way (I’ve been writing "the boys" papers for school). I never had to worry that I wasn’t appropriately walking the fine line of not saying enough and saying too much. I've never in my life had to sit on someone's couch and wonder what it meant that I was there, alone, while he was showing off my car (not me) to his friends somewhere. And in the last four years, I sure as hell haven’t had to break out my special Women's Edition Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring that I choked down Ovaltine for to figure out what a guy REALLY means when he says things.

There I sit, listening intently to the things "the boy" says, mentalnoting (new word? shame.) every last bit. Then I rush to the bathroom and perch myself aside the sink as I intently gaze upon my special Women's Edition Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring. In true Ralphie Parker style, I anxiously turn the intricate dials of my new age cipher and begin to make sense of it all (while my own personal narrator humorously keeps everyone abreast of the situation as if they can't see for themselves). Here is what I've learned:

"Do you think you could help me study?" really means "Hey, how about you write these papers for me?"

"Are you dating anyone else?" really means "I need to know how many other girls I can get away with dating before I actually have to make up excuses."

"Let's take a nap." really means "Let's lay in my bed and fuck around a little."

"I need to go drop something off at my buddies house." really means "You wait here. I'll take your car. I'll show off your car, not you, while driving my buddies around in it."

"I'd have you come along, but my buddy needs to get to work and it's just going to be a quick thing." really means "I'm ready to show off your car, but not ready to show off you. But, hey, at least they know about you, right?"

"What's wrong?" really means "What did you find out and how am I going to get out of this?"

"I don't think I'm going to be ready to be anyone's boyfriend for a while." really means "I haven't quite decided which girl I want nor am I ready to cut ties with all of them just yet."

"Let's take a study break." really means "I'm tired from watching you type my papers so fast, let's lay in my bed and fuck around a little."

"I'm worried that you're going to turn out to be just like all the other girls I've dated. No one can be this great." really means "I'm worried that you're seeing more people than I am and I need to say something that makes you feel guilty about it."

"We are more than friends." really means "I'm worried that you're seeing more people than I am and I need to say something that makes you feel guilty about it...but I'm not ready to be anyone's boyfriend for a while." and in some regions "Let's lay in my bed and fuck around a little."

It has been a very informative few weeks. The biggest lesson learned is that I have got trust issues like you write home about. Everything he says and everything he does...I analyze. Every text message he gets (and subsequently responds to) and every call he makes...I suspect. Every compliment he gives me and every sweet thing he does...I wonder. I don't verbalize any of it, I do what I'm famous for...I let it stew, fester if you will, until I either push someone away or rationalize it away.

Right now, I'm voting for rationalizing it. I've known "the boy" for only three weeks. In that three weeks we have talked every day, usually multiple times a day, and spent all three weekends together. We are by no means even close to relationship status and who he flirts with and who he dates is none of my business...just yet. Though I'm not spending time with anyone else, there are other guys I talk to and I can't go getting all hypocritical just because he talks to other girls. That's what "dating" is supposed to be about...right? Just because I opt not to hang out with other guys does not mean that my personal choice has to be his. He'll be done with this term of school in a couple days. He'll be less stressed and there will be no papers for me to write for him. Then, we'll see why it was he was hanging out with me; my 4.0 or my stellar good looks coupled with unparalleled wit. For now, I shall keep my special Women's Edition Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring at the ready and forge on into the dating abyss.

p.s. my week of gluttony and lack of motivation resulted in another gain. I'm back to do the math cuz this girl is tired of doing other people's homework.


Carlos said...

hang in there and try to get out of your head. he is there because he wants to be with you. enjoy it.

CJ said...

Hey girl, you are an amazing writer and obviously smart as hell, but don't let that make you think he's there for the wrong reasons! You are awesome. He's lucky.

Try, if you can, to just be yourself, enjoy the fun you are having, and try not to "over-analyze" everything! I tend to do that as well! It kills a relationship!

ENJOY yourself.